Young Black Women Determined to Live Well

Hobbies and Interests: Another Way to Bring Beauty and Positive Energy to your Life!

2011-12-06T11:16:00.000-05:00

Good Day to My Beautiful Young Black Women Determined to Live Well Butterflies! This post will be a short one, but one that I hope resonates, and inspires you to take action in your own life.

It all started when I decided to update my resume. I received sound advice from a professional African American woman who had graduated from an Ivy League Law School. She advised me to include hobbies and interests on my resume. At first I thought, "what does this have to do with my ability to do a specific job?." She elaborated, the hobbies and interests, while not directly related to the position I sought, would encourage individuals to hold me in great favor, compared to a person without hobbies and interests. So, I gave it a bit of thought, and wrote down the most recent activities I have taken a liking to. One particular activity I absolutely enjoy and would like to become exceptional at is Tango Dancing.

Take a look at the following video:

Doesn't this woman seem like the belle of the ball! Her posture, quick an clean movements, and the passion in the eyes of each man! I simply LOVE Tango! Okay, aside from Tango dancing, I am very health and fitness oriented, and I enjoy reading and writing. These are things that help to buff my diamond to a high gloss finish! And everyone knows just how difficult it is for people to look away from all things that reflect light!

Also, the little things you do as a hobby or interest have the power to both bring you joy and light up a room when talking about it amongst others. I can attest to seeing the eyes of men light up when they learn I know more than a few languages, am culturally and socially informed in a way that extends beyond the confines of the United States, that I love the outdoors, or maintain a healthy diet and fitness regimen. No kidding, their eyes really do light up! What's even better, I know that I have just skimmed the surface of things I enjoy to do. I am certain there are many things I would love to do that I still have yet to discover. Imagine the positive energy you pull into your life when you occupy yourself with new fulfilling things that serve to make you a better woman and simultaneously act as Quality Man Bait! A girl is literally and figuratively on cloud nine!

Try it if you haven't already ladies! Choose 2-3 things that you have never done before, research their availability or accessibility in your local area or nearby town and try them out. Once you have 2 or 3 solid things you would love to do, keep pursuing them on a consistent basis. Strive to be better at them. You will have a new perspective on life in general and another pleasant thing to add to your conversations with Quality Loving and Lovable Men from the Global Village!

Oprah Knows What Time it Is!

2011-11-18T19:52:00.002-05:00

I frequent the Oprah.com website every now and then for various reasons and found the following picture prominently displayed after clicking on the "relationship" link. Think about the kind of traffic Oprah.com gets on a daily basis. Now contemplate what message this sends to a multitude of people who visit the site. Yes indeed, it sends a positive message about Black women involved romantically with men of another race. What is more, this black woman is unquestionably black with natural hair and typical facial features of West African origin. Two thumbs up for Oprah.com. See the add for yourself here.

Blog Post For the Evolved YBW: MUST READ

2011-11-16T21:57:00.001-05:00

No need for much elaboration ladies, just wanted to pass along the news of Ms. Khadija Nassif's "V For Victory"Read Post Here

When Ms. Nassif stated, "Ladies, rest assured that human nature—in the form of envy—will finish the job of saving those remaining African-American women who are capable of being salvaged. The motivational energy produced by envy is over 1,000 times more powerful than any sermon." I felt a sense of relief.

Because I am BW-identified, it really saddened me that there were so many unevolved black women who still refused the clear and obvious message from BWE writers and the work of Mr. Ralph Richard Banks. Thankfully, Envy, no matter how bitter the pill, saves the day. Lead by example. Live well for you, and the rest will undoubtedly notice, and/or follow suit.

Ralph Richard Banks: A Wonderful Man Indeed!

2011-11-14T19:50:00.001-05:00

By now, you should already know of the discussions pertaining to Mr. Ralph Richard Banks and his book, "Is Marriage for White People?" If you don't, feel free to google him at your leisure or click on the following link: Is Marriage for White People?

Mr. Ralph Richard Banks with wife Jennifer and 3 sons.

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, this man is saying have been the sentiments I have echoed throughout my last 2 years at University as an undergraduate. I cannot tell you how much I was ostracized and maligned by people within the African American student body (both black men and women). The very same student body I had dedicated my first 2 years to uplifting and supporting with my involvement in various clubs that had a predominantly African American membership and focus. The backlash from the so called "African American (Pseudo) Community" being dished to Mr. Banks is no surprise. In fact, I plan on personally writing this man a thank you letter for taking the time to do the research on such a delicate issue. What is more, he has done it from an objective viewpoint. One that does not come with loads of pre-concieved notions or ideologies about what is the "right" way for black women to lead their lives on the romantic front.

I have searched for videos featuring Mr. Banks discussing the book and am annoyed to say the least, at how many black women are being vocal about the wrong things. I have seen videos and snippets of black women sounding off on their desire for "black love," their feelings of insecurity and discomfort with black men dating outside of their race, etc. Could someone please zip these women's mouth closed and throw away the key? (mild venting about to commence) I cannot say it enough, when black women like that become excessively vocal, it results in damaging our image as evolved young black women. I urge all to not be afraid to speak up about how we as young black women determined to live well could care less about the love lives of black men, whether they involve women of another race or not. We all know that there is no such thing as a man shortage because we have always and will always consider ourselves to be a part of a global village; a global village with an abundance of eligible quality men that are more than eager to marry women like ourselves. We also know there truly is nothing to fear or feel ashamed of when it comes to dating men outside of our race. Our ancestral heritage loudly declares that our crowns have been paid for and we have every right to wear it with pride. As Evia always says, Mate Out or Die Out! We as Young Black Women Determined to Live Well are already prepped and primed to MATE OUT.

Any chance or opportunity I get, I plan on making my voice heard, as it is full time for women like us to show our views and how they strikingly contrast with that of the less evolved black women that keep us down with their outdated and self-defeating mentalities. I stand firm in my belief that black women should always put themselves first no matter what. We are not mules, breeding incubators for black out of wedlock children, nor are we asexual bastions of the black race. We are women first, and with that comes the responsibility to ensure that we take advantage of every opportunity within our reach to lead fulfilling lives. Solving the problems of systemic racism towards black men is not our fight. That is a process that will take decades if not centuries to undo. Meanwhile our lives should remain on hold?! I think not! People better get a clue quick. We are unstoppable, and mean business when it comes to our well-being. We are resolute in our convictions for success and steadfast in making it a reality. Keep on with the keeping on ladies! It's our time now!

Estelle's "Thank You" Music Video

2011-09-15T07:01:00.002-04:00

I plan on continuing with this post as I find there are a multitude of things that can be analyzed about why the artist Estelle and her "team" of people decided to go with this route. However, due to being pressed for time, I will make a list of several things that stand out to me after the first viewing:
- The video does not show Estelle at all. There was a few shots toward the end of the video of what appeared to be a woman with a scarf over her head and hand shots, but nothing to clearly make the viewer say, she is in fact Estelle
- The lyrical content of the song deviates from Estelle's happy an upbeat vibe when she first jumped the pond for America on the music scene. The song seems to be about a woman who is thanking a former lover for all of the pain he caused her because it has made her the woman she is. For myself, this bares a close resemblance to the "Woe is Me" mantra some people stereotypically find black women projecting in particular.
- Perhaps my ears are not as keen to picking up on certain sound effects done to a singers voice, but I hear a little auto-tune when it comes to her voice in this song. Akon, the rapper, is said to have written the song for her.
- I think the song sounds pretty cool, but I find it a very interesting move and maybe a smart one considering the American music Industry and it's historically complex relationship with black women of a darker hue.
To Be Continued...and Happy Thursday!

Free Birth Control: How does this affect Young BW and Girls

2011-08-01T13:03:00.002-04:00

   This morning while doing my workout of the day, I left my television on CNN. The topic of discussion was free birth control starting August 1, 2012. According to the report, not only is the government making birth control free (meaning no co-payments in addition to the insurance one already has), but also free screenings for gestational diabetes, free screenings for HPV (the human papillomavirus), breastfeeding support, and counseling on sexually transmitted diseases. Read the article at CNN here or see the PDF document of the entire Compilation of Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act here.
   I attended a religious institution and do have friends of certain groups that do not endorse this provision. However, I have always been an advocate of methods that I believe help women exert agency over their lives in some way or another. While practicing abstinence is the absolute best way to prevent an unwanted pregnancy (and a sexually transmitted disease), I do feel that women in our country today, should also have a right to the type of life they choose to lead. If this involves being sexually active, then being able to do so without the worry of becoming pregnant with a child that one does not want, is better than the lack of choice in carrying the pregnancy to term, potentially seeking an abortion that could jeopardize one's health and/or ability to conceive at a later time in life, putting one's child up for adoption, or in an already overcrowded foster care system.
   Because I am black-woman-identified (BW First), my initial reaction to the broadcast was to think about how this new Act would affect the millions of young black woman living in the United States. As we are all aware, there is a disproportionately large number of children being born out of wedlock in predominantly black residential areas. I would venture to say, a lot of these children were not carefully planned, and perhaps were not wanted by their mothers in the first place, given their respective circumstances. Now, there is no way you or myself can determine conclusively whether or not these young black women had access to birth control at the time they were sexually active, but let us look at what we do know:
- Birth Control currently costs money, for the insured and the uninsured.
- Young BW, on a whole, do not comprise a financially stable or wealthy portion of the African American population
- Young BW are often living in areas where they are exposed to sexual images, language, and advances from male groups that are often hyper-sexual in nature.
- Young BW live in predominantly black residential areas where the idea of a girl or young woman getting pregnant after a few sexual encounters (consensual or not) is not uncommon and in some cases regarded as a normal and perfectly acceptable occurrence in life.
- Young BW who do get pregnant and carry the child to term often become and remain single-mothers for a very long time (in other words, the male who took equal part in creating the child, does not stay around on a consistent basis to help raise the child with the mother)
- Young BW (and other groups of women) who are single parents, often lead a life of financial burden and limitations (with or without the assistance of government aid)

CAN WE SEE A CONNECTION HERE...

An unwanted pregnancy is not a joyous affair for a young mother, irrespective of race, because it can be extremely taxing on the woman for the rest of her life. For this to happen to a Young BW is deeply unsettling to me. If these Young BW are able to acquire health insurance that will allow them access to birth control, coupled with a 0 copayment according to what this new Act is declaring, the lives of Young BW have the opportunity to fully pursue their interests and endeavors without the hindrance of raising a child. Can one even begin to imagine how much free access to birth control on a consistent basis for a Young BW could serve to remedy the high rates of black children raised in already strained households, government spending on programs, even our image as Young BW living in the U.S. The sky is the limit for Young BW who are able to dedicate 100% of their effort and time toward self-improvement, education, etc. How about how this could affect their health and that of older black women who often help their daughters in raising the out of wedlock child. This is definitely food for thought.

The Many Shades of Kelly Rowland...What motivates us?

2011-07-26T17:12:00.000-04:00

Hello Beautiful Young Black Women Determined to Live Well! I hope the summer has been treating you as kindly as it has been treating me. I don't know about your feelings toward sun damage, but I have been living and breathing sunblock since the beginning of June. SPF 30 or higher and nothing less! Protect the pretty, even if they say our skin ages most gracefully compared to women of different ethnicities.

Now, on to what I originally intended to discuss. While searching online for images of Kelly Rowland, I came upon a picture of her that seems fairly recent. She posed for the cover of a magazine. But, what immediately jumped out to me, was how pale this beautiful brown-skinned girl appeared. Take a look at the photo for yourselves:

I am fully aware of this magazine, and the majority of it's readership are other minorities. With that being said, I couldn't help but wonder why no one has said anything about how light they made her on this cover...I am sure you all remember the commentary many people gave about this ad:

So....why the silence about Kelly's cover? Take a look at other magazine covers of Ms. Rowland, including one from the same publication:

And to complicate things further, here is an interesting comparison:

Kelly is made to look lighter than her known to be fair complexioned pal Beyonce...

I am curious to know what the concept was for the Vibe Cover of Kelly? Was it some major interrogation that had her burning up under ultra bright lights? What people choose to place on the cover of magazines is done for the sole purpose of selling as many copies as possible to the consumer population. Whatever the case, I think all who would protest the Loreal ad of Beyonce should take a look at this cover of Kelly and ask, is it not the same thing? Whatever motivated them to protest Beyonce's ad, for some reason, is not applying to Kelly's cover? Am I the only person who sees the glaringly obvious? What say you?

Excellent Example of Young Black Women Positive Imagery and Representation!

2011-07-02T21:13:00.002-04:00

I enjoy fashion and beauty a great deal. I particularly like to peruse websites such as ModCloth. I was pleasantly surprised today, to see a lovely black girl with a sweet afro and beautiful dark skin advertising pretty and feminine dresses on the site's home page. Check out these gorgeous advertisements:

This young model looks so beautiful! I also love that she is not painfully skinny (no disrespect to my naturally thin ladies) but healthy and youthful looking. Her smile is bright, her skin is glowing and she looks like the image of a young black woman I would be proud to emulate. I personally sent ModCloth a letter to let them know they gained a customer today for recognizing African American women customers in such a positive light. You can see the ads and more for yourself by visiting the site: www.modcloth.com Happy 4th of July Weekend to you all Lovely Ladies :)

Great Video!!!! A MUST SEE!!!

2011-06-11T11:48:00.000-04:00

Hello Lovely Young Black Women Determined to Live Well. I came upon this video while frequenting another uplifting blog, and felt the need to post this. ENJOY!

Colorism Documentary...Cui Bono?

2011-05-29T20:25:00.000-04:00

There has been a new documentary circulating the web, showcasing colorism and its effects on women who occupy the deeper hued color spectrum. I could barely get through watching the preview, and hesitated for quite a bit before clicking the link to view the footage. My hesitation was not based on my own fears or insecurities, but rather, it was an annoyance. I really don't know what good this documentary will do for anyone who identifies or passes as a black woman. Who benefits? (as Khadija would urge all black women to question in multiple situations that arise) Well...let's see. Many groups that have a large demographic of darker skinned people are NOT NEW to the concept of colorism. This is especially true of darker skinned peoples with a history of European Colonial rule. There may be a different name for it, or different terms harshly used to insult a person born with dark skin. There may be a larger variation of bleaching creams and the like, which use images of the same model, one light, and the other dark, to prove the lighter you are, the better it looks and the better your quality of life. If we really wanted to go there, simply observe a before and after of airbrushing done to celebrities of all races. Click here and observe the pattern.

For women, the general rule of thumb is to be lighter. Dark anything, is equated with masculinity. What does this mean for black women? Due to our skin, hair, and eyes, for the most part, pre-disposed to being dark in color because of our genetic origins, we have a steeper hill to climb in terms of mainstream society acknowledging our inherent femininity and claim to all things beautiful. In addition we are operating within a patriarchal society that shifts the stigma of dark skin on the backs of women, and allows men who have dark skin to be praised for it as a testament to their inherent masculinity, supposedly making them all the more appealing to women. Should the man with dark skin acquire riches, he now has the added benefit of choosing from society's "top" women who will more than likely occupy the lightest place of the color spectrum. I am quite certain this is the case for multiple dark skinned cultures and or cultures that have a history of European colonial rule. Again, NOTHING NEW to any of us, and perhaps I have just reinforced what many darker skinned women have known all along. Hmmm... I still don't see how this documentary benefits women who identify or pass as black? In this documentary's preview, I only saw black women speaking of colorism's effects on their lives, but what about interrogating the people who dictate the color pecking order, which would most likely be the men of the group? I did not see a thorough questioning given to men who instinctively know that skin color carries no genetic link to higher intelligence, or better capacity to give birth to healthy offspring, yet consistently select for the lightest women they could possibly have access to, even when there group is predominantly comprised of darker skinned women. I have always believed, if it weren't for a large portion of black women being so heavily "black male identified," they would pay less attention to the absurdity of colorist men's tastes, and suffer less among the black masses.

Now, here is why I am annoyed. The documentary is best summed up for me, as another opportunity that darker skinned women took in the hopes of getting sympathy for their plight of living amongst a society and sub-group of other dark skinned people who carry a deep seated disdain for dark skin on women. However, as has been the case before, these type of documentaries, movies, footage, what have you, do not help the black women who participate. They also do very little to help black women living this reality in their own predominantly black residencies. People at large who are not black do not run to promote ads that showcase and glorify darker skinned beauties. Hmmm...I have yet to see a benefit to spilling all of our hurt and insecurities for the world to see, ponder for a moment, and then move on with their lives. This kind of discussion is better left for a private setting in which their are solutions that each individual woman can do to escape such destructive thinking as wanting bleach placed in their bath water, or that their skin is extremely dirty because of its color. The best this documentary can do is encourage people to change their thinking about dark skin inferiority and light skinned superiority. Change however, is something that people do on their own willingly. There are people out there ladies, who believe firmly in the superiority of lighter skin and are not changing any time soon. At the end of the day, I think it best to not air these issues out for the world to dissect and see through a distorted lense. I do know one way to truly get over this colorist thing is to leave environments that clearly do not uplift you as a black woman period. For many, this means divesting from an all black construct, and adopting one that is more open and appreciative of all characteristics that are attributed to a rich history and genetic origin.

A Little Venting in Good Taste Never Hurt...

2011-03-14T22:09:00.000-04:00

I decided to blog about this because I finally have some free time on my hands and because this fits along with a posting on the new (old but re-vamped) website: Black Femininity.

On an outing this morning, I went to a service at a predominantly white church (Though it was all white, there was still a considerable mix of all groups there). I still consider myself relatively new to the city I live in and felt it would be a great opportunity to see and hopefully meet new people. Well, here goes: I went inside the church with my friend and we both enjoyed the service. Afterwards, I said that I would like to see what they had mentioned earlier for the people who are new visitors to the church. So we went up to the lady holding up the new visitors sign and she introduced herself to us. What is most notable is that as soon as she finished introducing herself to my roommate and I, while walking to the visitors room, she walked in such a way that “closed the gap” ....Picture three people lined up side by side. Those three begin to walk forward. The two on the end take faster steps and begin to move in closer, just enough to force the middle person to reduce their pace so as not to run into them. I have seen this technique before... I am going to observe if this is the way things would be done if all 3 women were white. I will be on the lookout for this.

When we are finally in the visitors room, we are introduced to a few people. 5 of the persons introduced were older white women ranging from mid 20’s to 50, and perhaps 2 or 3 wm. Every single one of those white women, stared me down. Especially the older ones. The look was not one of openness acceptance, etc. The look was one of fear, intimidation, it was as if I was a threat. I tried to dress femininely: I wore a black sheath dress with a white cardigan sweater and a long necklace with diamond stud earrings. For the love of me, I couldn’t understand why I of all people was getting those looks from them when I swear to you, the number of white women in that church trying their hardest to bring their A-game was in the triple digits. I felt like I wasn’t even on my own A-game because I left the house in quite a rush.

My makeup was rather simple as well, I had on eyeshadow that was for the most part neutral with black mascara, and my new favorite nude lipstick that for all purposes gives me only a subtle hint of color. I wore my hair down and curly. My edges were not even smoothed straight with gel! Yet I had this idea in my head that I was being considered a threat.

When I came home, I looked on the website for the church to see their various bible-study groups for singles. A very good amount in my opinion, but too many women in some of them. I like a ratio of 2-3 men to each woman. In the photographs taken during the different bible-study group events, the black women pictured looked average to downright homely or overweight. I also kept a close look at the black women at the service. They ranged in age. The ones in the teens or early 20’s seemed to just wear skinny jeans, sandals, etc. The older black women were pretty average in their dress as well. Is it just me ladies? Sometimes I wonder if I am really seen as a threat by some women. I could have turned it up a few notches in my dress, but I toned it down.

I like to be noticed for my beauty. I see ww do this all the time and the ones I saw in church were very over the top with very sexy heels and skinny jeans and the like. They virtually all wore a full face of makeup and had their hair styled in some way. I don’t like being the “pretty black girl” in secret that many ww treat “funny” because I am a threat to them and their flimsy self-esteem. But if I tone it down any further, I will most likely not land the kind of guy that I want. Why can’t black women simply revel in just how hot and beautiful and pretty and smart and confident and desirable we are? Why must our light have to be dimmed or veiled because of the insecurities of others. I’m hot and I have known this for a few years now (laughs). I know that men are attracted to me from all races and walks of life. I know that being a beautiful and feminine woman means that other women, especially non-bw, are going to see me as competition or threatening and automatically try to dull my luster. I just don’t buy the whole, tone down what you wear thing, because being beautiful period and then being categorized as black, seems to attract hate from other women period. Nothing you can do about it. If I tone myself down any further, I really am selling a lie and not being myself. I would take a fur lined coat over a common cardigan found at GAP. I would rather find a one-of-a-kind statement necklace with gorgeous diamond earrings to match before I wear no necklace at all. Boy does this annoy me.

This Statement: Keep in mind that society resents and often hates beautiful women. Men and society admires beautiful women from afar, and then punishes them by being threatened by them. Men and society’s value of women are not placed in beauty, but in warmth in women and prettiness. What is the definition of pretty? Average women who take effort in appearance to dress femininely. The conventional use of “pretty” in appearance over exotic, daring, bold, beautiful, and stylish which all reads as UNAPPROACHABLE. Do not make this fatal mistake in love and in life.

From the Post:

Part II Your Basic Tools: Becoming the "Exception to the Rule".

on: http://blackfemininity.com/

Budget Advice!

2011-03-03T05:23:00.003-05:00

I stumbled upon this article which I hope helps some of you ladies reassess and get your finances in order:

25 Ways to Waste Your Money
Enjoy!

Can you guess the theme?

2011-02-15T21:50:00.000-05:00

If you are somehow still walking around with headphones over your ears jamming to the latest, BLACK LOVE tune, you need to seriously take heed to the first three photos in this post. I will not name the website with a name very close to the name of this beloved blog, but they recently posted a snippet about the current Census statistics on the rate of marriages between BW and the "other male group" that I will also not mention. Just as the ladies of BWE have been saying for many years now, the rates are overwhelmingly LOW. If you are currently associating with a Young Black Woman who is still a champion of BLACK LOVE, you may just have to cut the sister off. Do it gently of course. Opt for distancing yourself little by little. I say this not as a call to abandon other black women but as a very important step that must be taken if you are indeed resolute about Living Well. If she doesn't see the facts now, then she is dead weight for you and the rest of your Determined to Live Well Lady Friends. She'll figure it out...when she does is the question. Bottom line, you don't need to waist time waiting on her to finally get it. Focus on you and those who actively love, support, and encourage you to be the best you can be. Living Well is not a game for US. The other groups of women that don't fall into the category of Black and Beautiful are getting it done. There is no reason that I as a young black woman determined to live well, should accept mediocrity. No matter the cards you were dealt in this life, you can make it too. We all need a little push to get things going and I hope the BWE blog postings, books, commentary, etc. can be that push for you. You all are already ahead of the game because you were forewarned for FREE about what those statistics would be. Don't even waist your breath trying to hash out with the DBR-BW BM, whoever they are, about whether the stats are wrong or right. You may even hear them say or know of a young black couple that recently got married. Kick all of that hooey to the curb dears and simply keep strutting away until you get yours.

Allowing too much time to pass before jumping back into the game.

2010-11-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

Good Evening to you all.
After doing my regular browsing of some of the blogs listed to the left of your computer screen, I came upon the most recent post at one of my favorite blogs:
http://sojournerspassport.com/3-factors-that-influence-mens-faithfulness/

As I read through the comment section, something came up that resonated with me. The commenters stated that for BW who leave a relationship, the waiting period before getting involved with someone else was simply too long compared to other women of different groups. Various reasons for this came about. One reason stated the indoctrination of BW has been to wait, and revaluate what went wrong, spend time on fixing or cultivating ourselves before getting involved again, etc. In addition, it was stated that in the black community, immediately dusting ourselves off for the next love interest to come along would often result in being negatively portrayed. For one of my closest family members who is more than twice my age, after her husband died, she was in a new relationship within the following 5-6 months after the funeral. She loved her first husband no less, but told me, "a woman has got to do what a woman has got to do." When I reflect on past behaviors, I realize that I waited much too long between my encounters with other men. However, my circumstances were significantly different from the family member I described.

Without making excuses for young black women who have found that they have taken a long time to jump back into the dating game after leaving an unfulfilling relationship, I wanted to hash out some points:

Young black women of today are inheriting a significant gender imbalance that may not have affected black women of earlier generations to the same degree.

Young black women living within the United States have to deal with the thick residue of racism that still permeates the country today, and unquestionably rears it's ugly head when we take a look at people's personal lives and who they choose to share it with.

Young black women are getting mixed messages or no message at all from their own communities and their peers.

Young black women who are not fortunate enough to have access to men of quality within their closest spheres may in fact be surrounded by low-value guys. If this is the case for them, how could we possibly expect for them to move on when the options of men in their area would result in the same poor manner or potentially worse?

I am currently brainstorming possible solutions to this situation, and I am sure it may even inspire further questions. Any suggestions ladies?

Very Interesting Read! Does this apply to you?

2010-11-05T07:00:00.000-04:00

Here is a recent article about the Financial Dangers Women face. When they say "women" please believe they mean white women. If they can still face these dangers even when they come from affluent upbringings, it is important that we as young black women prepare accordingly to avoid these pitfalls.

http://finance.yahoo.com/retirement/article/111154/financial-dangers-women-face?mod=retire-planning

A "Thank You" to the Non-DBR Black Men

2010-10-31T21:18:00.000-04:00

I decided to express a different viewpoint from quite a few IR blogs. If you are familiar with their general content, there is often much focus on removing young black women from environments that are predominantly black, and most often filled with damaged beyond repair (DBR) black men. However, I am writing this post in an effort to thank those non-DBR black men who do exist and who often prove to be a self-esteem booster when a young black woman needs one. For all of the "interracially-open-to-dating-men" young black women out there who have found it quite difficult to keep the gaze of a non-bm long enough to initiate you are open to their advances (meaning they simply aren't "going for it" with you for whatever reason, despite you giving them the green light), you know exactly what I speak of. Getting a returned smile, or a "how are you today?", or simply a compliment on how beautiful you look can come in quite handy especially when there seems to be tons of non-bm who are concerned with silently looking and not openly acknowledging or acting on their attractions. This may seem like I am venting, and in many ways it is a growing concern that I have for the young black women who have communicated to me, they have been giving the green light, but the non-bm simply allow cowardly behaviors or outright fear to stop them from acting on their attraction to a young black woman. Believe me ladies that I am fully on board with the women who are in fact smiling more, adorning themselves in feminine attire, and attempting to widen their social circles. Sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle, especially if you are very unfamiliar with this new territory. But leaving race aside, and focusing on our needs as young women, receiving a warm welcoming smile or kind gesture from a man is something that reminds us we are indeed desirable women and this is something that should be celebrated. At times it may seem like non-DBR black men are the main ones doing this (but them being lumped into the same racial category as yourself does provide a societal free pass to engage with us this way whether we like it or not), even if this may be the case, revel in the fact that your efforts to be the best you you can be have been noticed and keep on with the keepin' on. For the non-bm who choose to stay silent, do not waste time on them. Those who are truly worthy of your time will make it known.

Wow...it's been a while, but I am back with your faithful REMINDER!

2010-10-31T14:20:00.000-04:00

Greetings to the Young Black Women Determined to Live Well! It has been a very long time since I have written a post. I am now a working woman (with every intention of going back to school for further education in my chosen major!) and I certainly have had a taste of what it means to be on my own. I am writing this post as a reminder that many times, especially when you graduate and go directly into the work force, things can start to take hold of you and force you into monotony. I hope you all hear me when I say this, fight tooth and nail to get out of the cycle of monotony. I have had a few trying moments at my job that have truly given me a wake-up call and have forced me to resurrect my goals and dreams with even more fervor. I know that what I am doing is not the end all be all, and the more I remind myself of this, I do not feel the chokehold that a lot of young women feel their jobs have over them. I have seen the fear in the eyes of young women who are 10 to 15 years my senior, when it comes to losing the one job they have. My dears, please do not let this be you. Whatever you have learned in the past, know this, any occupation you choose can fire you "in a hot minute" no matter how great you seemed to think things were going. Unless you have spent a good while cultivating a dependence that your superiors will have for you, and I mean one that is strong enough to really have them thinking they would definitely be at a significant loss without you, you can easily be replaced. I understand that in this current economic climate, no one who is gainfully employed wants to think about plan B or C, and would rather focus on maintaing plan A. But, allow me to be the little birdie in your ear reminding you about the end goal in mind. You want to LIVE WELL, not so-so, not average, and certainly not paycheck to paycheck. YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO ESTABLISH MULTIPLE STREAMS OF INCOME. Obtain a licensed financial advisor in your state if you need guidance, open a Roth IRA and begin to put away little by little each paycheck. Open a savings account as well. If your place of employment has a credit union, join that as well. EMPOWER YOURSELF LADIES! DO WHAT YOU MUST DO TO LIVE WELL. Start moving toward that big dream girls! Even if you have to take baby steps. One baby step a day is better than remaining stagnant and simply imagining something that could very well be a reality if you let it. Remember, you are the most important thing to take care of, don't lose sight of this because time is of the essence. I hope this does not come across as me rambling on, but a little spark under our feet may put some well needed pep in our steps!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

2010-05-09T09:37:00.000-04:00

Ernestine Shepherd

2010-04-16T08:46:00.001-04:00

Hello lovelies! I came upon a short video of a beautiful woman by the name of Ernestine Shepherd. She is indeed an inspiration to us all as we continue our journey of living well!

Alienated Conclusion's: The Black Girl's Manifesto: The Basic Rights of Femininity

2010-04-15T03:16:00.000-04:00

Hello to you all my darlings! I wanted to point you to a powerful blog post by A~ion. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did, and come away with new ways of thinking of yourselves as young black women:

http://nerdsevolving.blogspot.com/2010/04/basic-rights-of-femininity.html

Ciao Bellas!

How bad do you really want it?

2010-04-10T09:35:00.002-04:00

Greetings to all of the gracious and pulchritudinous young black women out there! I wanted to address something in this post that I had briefly discussed in an earlier post. On our journey to living well, some of us may have a lot to deal with in terms of people around us making poor decisions. These decisions result in actions that reflect poor expectations of themselves, and their poor expectations (if any at all) of you. Ultimately, this begins to chisel away at the hard work we put in toward moving us closer to realizing our goal of living well.

I need no convincing when it comes to the possibility that some black women, young and old, are simply not aware of the poor choices they make on a daily basis that not only interfere with their financial, physical, emotional, and spiritual life, but hinder their progress in establishing a fulfilling love life for themselves as well. Have you ever been the one to point out in clear daylight just how and where these women are messing up? Have you ever been the one to try and show them another way, one which would yield better returns on their investments (as Evia says), and instead of being given a gracious thank you, you are met with complete indifference and/or defensive behavior. Have you been told to just stay out of other people’s business? Well my darlings, I think you all should take a tip from the unfortunate and delusional women of the world. Just don’t bother giving them anymore of your time or advice. Avoid those topics of conversation at all costs. If you can, avoid those women, or at least reduce the amount of time spent communicating with them.

Several BWE bloggers have stated that not every black woman out there will live well. I whole-heartedly believe this to be true of young black women also. Even if this is the best time for those young women to wake up from the drunken stupor of anti-life enhancing choices, just leave them there. The difficult part for some of you is that some of these women used to be your closest comrades at one point or another; some of you are connected to these women by familial ties. You have to make a choice that does not involve sitting patiently on the sidelines until these women come around to their God-given senses. Yes ladies, you have to cut them off. That which does not help you go further in your efforts to live well, is not worth having around. Now, some of you may disagree with me. To that, I ask one question. How bad do you really want to live well? It may not be for everybody. Perhaps you should give some serious thought to whether or not you are ready for something bigger and better than you ever thought possible...perhaps that's the problem. One must first believe living well IS possible. I am someone that does not like the idea of limiting ME in any way. I am ready for the challenge. You have to decide for yourself if you are absolutely committed to living well, and then, you have to actively pursue it.

Decisions are in store

2010-02-23T00:28:00.001-05:00

Hello to all of the Young Black Women out there! I wanted to first direct your attention to the discussion on blog talk radio regarding the new book, Don't Bring Home a White Boy, by Karen Folan. Both she and the host of the segment spoke about wonderful topics that went beyond the interracial content of the book. While a male caller (race unidentifiable... but, you can be the judge on that one) did try to thwart the discussion to something negative, he did not succeed at derailing the important message Mrs. Folan and the host were delivering. Please take a moment to listen: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empowered-love/2010/02/23/author-langhorne-folan-discusses-her-book--dont-br

Many life decisions are in store for us as young black women. I find that some get easier with time while others seem increasingly complicated. What is more, each decision has a consequence. With that being said, the question becomes: Am I ready to accept those consequences and live with the decisions I made anyway?
I suppose some cases involve moments that happen to us we just don't understand. Some of us still can't pinpoint the reasoning behind why we were placed in a situation? Just what was its purpose? Though I am not aware of whether or not the answer will reveal itself in due time, I do know that going foward with an open mind and positive heart that remembers to be thankful for all your blessings, both big and small, places you ahead of the game in learning to live well.

Young Black Women and the Issues We Face: Part 3

2010-01-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hello to all of the brilliant young black women out there! I offer my sincerest apologies for the delay in completing another post. I seriously took time out and evaluated where I would be going after graduation. Now that I have at least the first 2 years of my life figured out (Yaaay!!!), I felt it would be a great time to speak on the third installment of Young Black Women and the Issues We Face.

In the post written on December 15th, I linked to a Kola Boof article titled, “Race and Beauty in America.” For those who have not read the article, Kola speaks on her thoughts regarding beauty and race being socially constructed within a white supremacist patriarchal system. She also states that a woman’s status in many cultures is directly tied to being married or having a man, and within communities of color, status for a woman is greatly increased if she is closer to whiteness in physical appearance.

I felt this was an important essay to use as a precursor to Part 3 because it mentions issues I believe affect young black women who have been raised for the majority of their lives in the United States or among Western cultures. How many of you felt that your skin color, hair texture, hair length, or facial features were a disadvantage to you? How many of you feel this reduced your degree of desirability among black men or non-black men in general? How many of you still feel this way today? I would venture to say, it is VERY difficult to NOT feel this way at least ONCE in your lifetime, unless you have been raised in an extremely pro-black woman environment all your life. As young black women, I believe in order for one to live well, there is NO ROOM for feeling even the slightest bit of inferiority compared to other women because of our race or complexion, even if this is reinforced by men who identify as black as well. I could go on and on about how there are clear marks of unfairness doled out to young black women to which some of us have never played a part in. Some of us have not perpetuated the stereotypes used to justify ill-treatment toward black women. However, if one is truly serious about living well, a miniscule mental set back such as feeling we are unworthy compared to other women, or out of luck compared to other women could be detrimental to our goal of living well. We must secure ourselves in such a way that enforces our advancement in EVERY WAY. This means absolutely no room for self-doubt, self-pity, self-hate, and the like.

I urge each of you who may be feeling this way to engage in behavior that affirms who you are as a young black women in a positive light consistently. It could be looking in the mirror everyday and saying something positive about how you look. It could be making that extra effort to adorn your body well everyday out of a love and respect for your presentation. It could mean shutting off the faucet of negative depictions or words about young black women by changing the television channel, or shutting the radio off. It could be associating with only those who reciprocate the love and nurture that you give and need to thrive. For some, this is a very difficult task because you may not have access to the resources or environments that affirm who you are as young black women. Believe me when I say, every little bit counts. You have to be fully committed to wanting the absolute best for yourself, believe it whole-heartedly, and fix whatever it is about yourself that makes it difficult for you to accept this possible reality.

Several Posts on other blogs have been raining down with blessings of information and uplifting words that you as a young black woman can use to motivate and propel you in a better direction. Check them out ASAP!

http://ebonyintuition.blogspot.com/2010/01/who-are-you-meant-to-be.html
http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet2.blogspot.com/2009/01/whats-your-ten-year-plan.html
http://actsoffaithblog.com/new-woman-movin-on
http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/ready-to-take-the-pledge/
http://sojournerspassport.com/who-else-wants-an-optimal-lifestyle/

Let’s get moving Ladies. We can do it! We are, YOUNG BLACK WOMEN DETERMINED TO LIVE WELL!

Karyn Folan's "Don't Bring Home a White Boy"

2009-12-21T08:33:00.001-05:00

Hello Ladies! check out this 3 min. video!

Images of Black Women in the 50's

2009-12-18T09:05:00.001-05:00

While viewing the blog Beautiful Black Women: Thoughts of a White B'woy, I came upon these images. I believe Andreas displayed them as a way of admiring black women as he always does, but the images compelled me to dig deeper and analyze.

Take a look at these pictures of Magazine covers in the 1950s. click on image for full view.

After viewing these pictures I can say quite a few things:

1) Black women were absolutely beautiful back then, and whoever is swallowing the hogwash that says black women are just naturally inclined to be big or overweight or “thick” is wrong. The women in the 50’s did not look like what I see everywhere I go including on the television these days. Here is a tip, work out and get healthy ladies. No if, ands, or buts. Where there is a will, there is always a way. In addition, it says that black women and the lives they are leading need to seriously be further examined. A lot must not be right for an entire group of women to physically morph into double of what used to be their norm, in a span of just 50 years.

2) Black women being shut out from glamorization in Hollywood, usually given to white women, is not a new thing at all. In my opinion, some progress has been made, but I say we (black women) stop trying to get the full recognition and glamour that we deserve all together and create our own avenues of media distribution and films. Either do that, or try to market ourselves in a way that appeals to all markets! Not just black.

3) Black women were sexualized and fetishized in the 50’s much like they are today. Just look at the face of the women on the cover of Say magazine. She has a very sultry look on her face. And then look at how each one of them are exposing their cleavage in revealing suits. I certainly don’t see much emphasis being placed on the bottom like the smut magazines of today, but I do think these magazines were printed with the black male gaze in mind and zero recognition of the black female gaze. So it makes me think? Were these women the predecessors of the Raunch Culture we view today? I suppose we perpetuate it, but were they (both the black women and the black men in the 50’s who subscribed to these magazines) aware of the consequences of what they mass produced? Did they not realize the inherent difference in choosing to market the women in these ways after the long history black women have in the U.S. regarding sexual exploitation? Or was this considered tastefully done? I am not sure but intend to do some research.

4) This makes me think about famous Blues singers of the 1920s like Bessie Smith, Ma Rainey, Ida Cox and the like. They were known for their talented voices, but also for the sexually suggestive (or as sexually suggestive as you could get away with in the 50’s) lyrics of their songs. I wonder what, if anything, this did to harm the image of black women back then and today? I am not placing immense blame on them because in some ways I feel they were not aware that black women could occupy a respectable and admirable realm that did not limit her to just the Hattie McDaniel mammy-figure. After all, they were singing for crowds of the black working class. Black women in the upper echelons of black American society did not like the songs they chose to sing.

How do you as a young black woman feel about these images?

I encourage you all to read this!

2009-12-15T19:34:00.000-05:00

Hello to all the gorgeous young black women out there! Please take a moment to read the essay I linked to at the bottom. I have been too busy with final exams to post Part 3 of Young Black Women and the Issues We Face, but the arguments in this essay have a great deal to do with what I intend to discuss.

http://kolaperfume.5u.com/whats_new_1.html

Young Black Women and the Issues We Face: Part 2 of 3

2009-12-07T18:40:00.004-05:00

What I am about to discuss is adult material, so if you are not up for reading mature subject matter, you have been warned.

STDs. Sexually Transmitted Diseases are a crap load of stigma on young black women. You all have heard the stats: we, young black women; have the highest rate of infection. First thing is first, before you have sex with anyone, from this day forward, make it a priority to get tested for every possible STD you can. Note*** some women I have encountered have assumed a regular pap-smear would take care of the HPV test, since it is supposed to indicate abnormalities of the cervix, and HPV causes cervical cancer. It is my belief that a woman needs to specifically ask for the HPV test. Several pap-smears come back NORMAL and a woman could still be infected with HPV. It is estimated that 80% of women in the U.S. will get HPV at some point in their lives, and it is in your best interest to educate yourselves regarding the matter. See this website for more info: http://www.thehpvtest.com/

1) STDs can be transmitted through bodily fluids and skin to skin contact. Yea, we have heard the first one, but the skin to skin contact is a shocker for some ladies. Better yet, sometimes the infected party may not show any sign of infection on their skin, and months or years later, one is rudely awakened to know they have acquired an STD. In addition, the usage of a condom, if having sex with a male, does not cover the entire genital area. the shaft of the penis may be covered, but his groin is still exposed and would most likely touch your genitals during the sexual act. This could tranfer an STD to you even while using a condom.
2) Many STDs may not cause symptoms. In fact, you may be confusing an STD for another disease. Doctors have been known to confuse things as well. Simply doing a search of STD photographs on google is not sufficient enough to decipher what is going on down there. Those photographs are often displays of advanced stages of STDs and very rarely show what it looks like for a black female. Let me be clear that a personal Gynecologist should be a necessity for all of the young black women out there. Look up a reputable gynecologist online in your area; check their credentials and reviews if you can. Check with Health Services if you are currently attending a college or university. Sometimes they offer their services for free to female students.
3) Some STDs DO NOT have a test for males to take, like the dreadful Human Papilloma Virus (genital warts). This means that even if the guy a person chooses to have skin to skin contact, oral, anal, or vaginal sex with, is infected with an STD and shows no physical signs of infection, the only way he would know, is if you showed signs of infection after having skin to skin contact, oral, anal, or vaginal sex with him.
4)for the lesbian or bisexual young black women out there, know that skin to skin contact is a risk as well and despite rumors of lesbian women being least likely to contract STDs, this is not the case. In fact, these kinds of rumors contribute to the transfer of STDs even more among the lesbian community. Using sex toys to aid in vaginal or anal penetration from one partner to another, could transfer an STD. If using a condom on the sex toy, be sure to change it when penetrating the other partner. Cunnilingus should be performed using a barrier like a dam, cut open condom, or latex glove. Check out this link for ways to have safer sex with your special female someone: http://std.about.com/od/stdsspecificcommunities/a/lesbiansafesex.htm
you can also find information here: http://lesbianlife.about.com/cs/sex/a/safersex.htm
or do your own search to know more.
5) Want more info in general, here is a place to start: http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/std-general.html or you could simply browse through the Center for Disease Control and Prevention Website: http://www.cdc.gov/ . They have a plethora of information on specific STDs

Bottom line: The only real “safe” sex, is no sex at all. But because I like sex, as I am sure other readers of this blog do too, we have to understand, acknowledge and accept that we are taking a risk. Make sure he, she, or you, wears a condom! Carry condoms yourself; you do not have to rely on the other partner for condoms at all. And if a guy or girl thinks you are “fast” or a slut because you are in possession of condoms, then he or she does not deserve to sleep with you. For those of you considering taking your relationships to a more intimate level, why not plan a day when you both go to get tested for everything? It may seem awkward, but your health is all you really have. Doing this forces people to think maturely about the sexual act. If the other party refuses, that may be a blessing in disguise. Know that there are ways of being intimate with someone without having sex. And for all purposes, an intimate night with just you, your imagination, and no one else is always an option. Never feel guilty about the idea or act of masturbating because looking out for our needs first and foremost, is a lesson we should all remember in our quest to live well.

Young Black Women and the Issues We Face: Part 1 of 3

2009-12-07T18:33:00.001-05:00

I decided to do a post on a host of issues facing young black women. It became too long, so I am doing this in separate posts. Look for Part 2 and 3 in the very near future.

PART 1
Moving from the realm of young girl, to young woman, to mature woman is not easy. I personally believe this is compounded by race if you are categorized by society (never mind whatever you choose to identify as) as a black woman. There is no rule book, no guidance being given. This should be coming from older black women but uh…yea…I don’t see much of that happening. It could very well be the case that these women have not figured out the answers either. I want to talk about the position young black women occupy in society. We have things that are considered valuable and things that are wrongfully trashed. Our youth is always a plus; people are forever worshipping youth and trying with their entire might to hang on to it. We have our physical strength, our contemporary knowledge, or degrees; we have A LOT going for us. What we don’t have going for us are our high rates of Sexually transmitted disease infections,our assaulted images in the media and constantly being compared as a negative to the implied white female positive, and for some of us, our way of thinking regarding our race and gender.

Our youth is a major asset ladies. Whether you like it or not, this works for us in ways we may not be aware. Therefore, I believe it serves us well to preserve it as much as we possibly can. I choose to preserve my youth by taking care of myself health wise. I am a very nutritious eater (at least most people I know always say so), it is a part of my daily routine to engage in some form of exercise or physical activity, my hair in its natural state is always on point, but you had better believe that even in it’s relaxed state, I was doing it too. Skin care has never been a major problem for me, but I do have a skin care regimen that I use to help maintain the pretty (for inquiring minds, the skincare line I use is called Rx For Brown skin. I use this line because it is specially formulated for people with various brown complexions and effectively addresses the issues that come with naturally sunkissed skin. Check out their website for more information: http://www.rxforbrownskin.com/ ).

We are quite an educated bunch! I am proud of how far I have come in terms of academically excelling in my studies, and choosing to continue this in the future. I am also increasingly aware of education NOT being the great “equalizer” some people believe it to be, so I try to cultivate myself in other areas as well. This I do through seeking organizations that advocate issues close to me, or that link to what I hope to be doing in the future. For instance, I have a great respect for women’s issues, and politics. Therefore, I seek out organizations that cater to both. I enjoy learning about different cultures and will be living abroad in the coming years; I would in tern subscribe to a newsletter or other network that keeps me up to date on the happenings of that country. There are several sources on the web that can assist you with this or practically anything that really interests you. Take advantage of it!

Ask yourself: WHY?

2009-11-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

Hello to all the gorgeous young black women out there. I would like to direct this post to the young black women who are dealing with males who are not on their level academically, financially, spiritually, etc. I would like you to ask yourself why?

I have noticed countless beautiful brown women out at clubs, walking in the city, out on campus, you name it, who swarm around groups of males (predominantly black) who are way below their level. I see them laughing, joking, flirting, posturing, blatantly competing for the attention of these males who for the most part seem disinterested, focused on their clearly accentuated body parts in ultra-tight clothing, or focused on gaining the attention of the few non-black or light skinned women they see.

I would like you ladies-to-be to ask yourselves why you do this? Have you actually sat down and asked yourself what it is that you really want? If all you want is someone who makes no secret that they are only looking at your physical assets (and most of you know what that consists of) and fantasizing about what they could get from you sexually, then I completely agree you should continue to invest your time in such settings with those types of males. BUT! If you are looking for a deeper connection, that can satisfy your need for companionship, intimacy, and support, and you don't seem to be getting that from the types of males you are associating yourself with, please do yourself, and other brown girls a favor. STOP!

Not only are you being completely SILLY (I'm being euphemistic) by continuing to communicate with those males knowing that you are not getting what you truly desire out of such relationships (friendships, lovers, acquaintances), but your constant image of associating with lower-caliber males gives all young black women a really bad reputation. Now I know some will say it is not their responsibility to protect the image of all black women, but trust me when I say, promoting a positive rather than negative image about yourself as a black women almost always brings value to you. Because American society is hell bent on compartmentalizing people into racial groups, whatever image is attached to those racial groups will help you or hurt you in the long run. Attach gender to the scope of things and this kind of behavior really makes black women seem desperate for bare bones attention.

I urge some of you to just go to a hip hop club setting with a predominantly black crowd, and without getting wrapped up in the music or men that you see, just observe the behavior of the men there. Look at who or what captures their attention immediately, look at who they are buying drinks for (if they even dare to buy a drink for anyone but themselves), observe how they behave when another woman dressed very sexy comes by? Do they immediately try to talk to her and court her, or do they simply look and keep moving to the next "hottie." Is her ultra-sexually suggestive outfit and stiletto heels really getting her the kind of "love" you would have thought? How about how much she spent to wear what she did, and look the way she did? Was it REALLY an investment with high returns?

If you have the opportunity, go to a non-hip hop club with a diverse or non-all-black setting, and do the same thing to those men. You could also go to a hip-hop club that doesn't have an all-black setting and do the same thing. I guarantee YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE. Then I want you all to decide which group of guys exhibited behavior that you would view positively and prefer to experience from them yourself? Personally, I will say that my experience doing this has led me to prefer the non-hip hop or non-all-black settings. Since then, I have been very adamant about not wasting the "Pretty." You shouldn't waste yours either! Especially on the males who do not deserve it at all!

Are You a Social Climber? Do you aspire to be one? Take a look at this.

2009-10-12T20:55:00.000-04:00

When I hear the term Social Climber, it forces me to pause and reflect on a number of experiences I have had. I will be the first to say that being labeled a social climber was considered insulting around the circles I was more familiar with during elementary, middle, and high school. However, in college, things are and have been for some time, extremely different. I have heard stories about social climbers on HBCU campuses, but at my PWI, social climbing is highly important. The difference is most people (this includes the general population of white students) go about things stealthily. I have chosen to be a social climber because I believe it will assist me in acquiring the lifestyle I seek to live. Everyone has different expectations of what Living Well means. Social Climbing may have nothing to do with Living Well for some of the young black women who read this blog. However, for those who do wish to seriously ascend in class and social status, I wanted to point you in the direction of a wonderful BWE blogger's new post:
http://interracialloveandspicebysara.blogspot.com/2009/10/black-womans-guide-to-social-elevation.html

Please do not allow some of the unfortunate comments from anonymous individuals to distract from what the post says. It could come in handy for many of the young up and coming black women who are determined to live well. Also, Sara explicitly mentions some of the tragic things happening to young black women around their last years of college, regarding unplanned pregnancy by a low-quality male (most often a black male at that). DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU LADIES! Bundles of joy are indeed adorable, and great to kiss and cuddle. BUT, children to unmarried, single, BLACK mothers suffer unnecessarily. The potential for them to live well is so low it cannot be mentioned here.

Interesting and potentially empowering find: I read a text on free colored women of the Americas and immediately zeroed in on the Story of a Creole (in this context, creole only meant an individual was born in the America's and not Africa, it had nothing to do with skin color or race as we know it today) slave woman and her interracial marriage to a British overseer in the mid to late 18th century on the island of Jamaica. Please be aware that North American scholars often fixate on rape being the only thing happening between black women and white men, but through my research of the Caribbean, the relationship between black women and white men is indeed quite complex. I certainly do not do justice to the story, but a very brief summary entails how this woman used her influence over this man to not only secure her eventual freedom, but the freedom of her children, and acquisition of economic wealth, including land ownership. In the harshest of times, this woman found a way to socially propel her way to a better life than the one she was born into, and I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to do the same. The book is called: Beyond Bondage, Free Women of Color in the Americas
edited by: David Barry Gaspar & Darlene Clark Hine
Check it out at your local library or campus library!

"I'll have a little of everything please!"

2009-10-04T21:03:00.001-04:00

http://kolaperfume.5u.com/articlesBoof_1.html

Please read the article above ladies. It is a lengthy one, but don't let that discourage you from reading it in its entirety. It offers very provocative information, and is quite intriguing by my standards! Of particular interest is the section dedicated to interracial relationships. Now, if you didn't read that section of the article, what I am about to write, may not make sense to you. Just a heads up!
On to my thoughts. I agree with much of what she said in this article and found it very helpful and affirming. All sections had the "thumbs up" from me until I read the IR section. It had me feeling...shall I say...a little hopeless on the "young, black, single, woman" front. If we are to continue this "proof" among future generations, and those who could ensure that we create the "proof" are less than interested if at all, not on our level for the most part, and exist in drastically lower numbers than ourselves, then what are we to do? If Being in an interracial relationship does not qualify as being with our "natural" mates, and chances of arriving to the "proof" in interracial relationships are slim to none, then what is a young black woman to do?!

Oddly enough, this is where I felt the divestment concept may serve young black women well. By not holding ourselves to the obligation of reproducing the "proof" we are free to be with whom we want and are fully accepting of the consequences of the unions we choose to be a part of. In my heart of hearts, I would LOVE to have a little brown princess that favors her mother with kinky, coily, thick hair, bright brown eyes, and a charming and intelligent personality. But, if my future darling came into the world lacking all of those qualities except a charming and intelligent personality, I honestly would be fine with it. I mean, you could also say that a union with another black person could result in albino children? what then?

She addresses the common factor that contributed to the conclusion of her interracial relationships. Apparently, her continued interest in issues pertaining to black people did not fair well, because her white love interests wanted her to conform to their comfort zone. I question whether "black issues" were a black people thing or a black men thing, if you know what I mean. This is where I think reading the divestment series on the blog: blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com come in very handy. These posts are a great place to start: http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet2.blogspot.com/2009/12/repost-free-agency-of-black-woman.html and http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet2.blogspot.com/2009/12/repost-annihilation-of-black-men.html
As young black women, especially those of us who choose to be in relationships with men or women of another race or ethnicity than ourselves, we will have to make changes in how we navigate a social landscape that is not comprised of solely black men and black women. Whether some of us are willing to make the necessary changes is a personal decision. For me, living well and passing that on to the future generations of my family, is a primary concern. Whatever I have to do to get there, will be done. period.

LIVING WELL: since we are on the topic of living well, I encourage all of you gorgeous young black women to think about financially educating yourselves. If that means purchasing the text, Personal Finance for Dummies, then by all means do it!. I think the website: http://www.kiplinger.com/ is a great place to start! Get your money right ladies. The economic decline in the United States and other countries closely tied to our economy is not a joke. In fact, according to the United Nations' 2009 report of the Millennium Development Goals, the financial crisis has caused their goal of eradicating extreme poverty by 2015 to seriously reverse itself. A goal of mine is to create multiple streams of income. Being dependent on one job alone just doesn't seem safe at all.

LIVING WELL: Have you all been keeping up with the headlines regarding the health care debate? PLEASE DO. It affects us just as much if not more. As young black women, we need to make sure that at least some part of the day or week is spent updating ourselves on what is happening in our government. I am currently under the same insurance coverage as my mother, which is provided by her employer. However, this won't be the case very soon and I have been researching different options for insurance coverage for my health. I am not ashamed to admit that I haven't had a real check-up at the doctors office for a while simply because I could not afford it, even with coverage! I don't plan on making this a habit at all. You shouldn't either.

ON A SIDENOTE: To add a little fun to this posting, I invite all of you to log on to the website: hulu.com and check out this new science-fiction show called, Flash Forward. Gabby Union is said to be paired with Asian Actor, John Cho, who is is indeed very handsome! Granted, I have been keeping up to date about the celeb antics of Ms. Union (D.Wade...hint*...not divorced yet...hint*...homewrecker accusations...yea.), but I do support the fact that our image is represented in a loving and feminine way with a man who is of a different race, which only serves to promote a positive image of young black women that benefits us in the long run. The storyline is very engaging as well. They have an entire website dedicated to the film! Take a study break ladies and catch up on the first two episodes if you can.

Till next time! I have great ideas for postings in the near future so please be sure to look out for those!

GREAT READINGS and Getting to Know Me

2009-09-04T22:30:00.000-04:00

Hello Ladies, I hope you all are still out there, my apologies for the delay in posting. I have been hard at work not only in classes, but in making preparations for life after college. I would like to encourage you all to read the recent postings at Khadija's blog, Muslim Bushido. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/09/why-its-important-to-have-dating.html

THE LINK I HAVE JUST POSTED IS A PORTION OF SOME OF THE CRITICAL INFORMATION MANY OF US AS YOUNG BLACK WOMEN FACE. PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS POSTING IN PARTICULAR. I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO POST SOME OF YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES THAT ADDRESS THE TOPIC OF DATING IN COLLEGE.

Now, I am going to share. One of the reasons I am doing this is because as my 4th year in college proceeds, many of the same sentiments I have had for a while have never left me and continue to creep up and bring me much discomfort. I honestly feel attending the U of___ was a mistake. I can barely talk about my experience here because of how much it hurts to look back on all that I went through mentally and emotionally while living here. For the most part, I spent my time here dateless and unhappy. I carry the prestige and name forever, but if I had the opportunity to do it again. I wouldn't. In some instances, I FEEL ROBBED. I researched as much as I could and spoke with students of color from ___ on the phone to get a feel for what to expect. I don't believe they told me the truth at all. Not one. It was a living hell here for my first three years. It continues to be a living hell, although I have no expectations of it being anything but, which in most cases makes it tolerable. Too stifling to really spread my wings and just BE. It is a fight to stay alive as a young progressive and open to interracial dating black woman here. I am thankful of it being the final time I have to set foot on this campus, but deep down I felt this place never really appreciated me. I obviously can't do anything about the past, but I am telling this story to let you all know how important it is to do everything in your power to live well every step of the way. Yes, we are "young" but when time goes, it goes. There is nothing you can do to get it back. For the young women who are still in high school and beginning to apply for college, try to visit these Universities while they are in session. Find out what kind of clubs or support groups they have on campus that cater to black women. Speak with female faculty, and if they are black female faculty, ask about their involvement with the student body. For the ladies beginning their first or second year of college, get out there and be a part of different non-black oriented clubs. The goal is not only for you to see new things, but I sure know I want the non-black men to see you too. To the ladies finishing up their college years, maintain those bonds and contacts that have supported you the most and seek places in or out of the country that are safe and foster an environment that allows you to meet men and women of high caliber. This experience has certainly taught me lessons I will never forget, but it doesn't have to be this way for you. If any of you are curious as to which University I spoke of, let me know.

Ladies, PLEASE educate yourselves about sex

2009-08-08T13:21:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was fortunate to catch an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show and her topic dealt with sex education for young pre-teens, teenagers, and their parents. A specific moment of the show that completely had my admiration was a conversation between Dr. Laura Berman and a young couple who were both 14 years old. Both of the pre-teens had genuinely strong feelings for each other and wanted to experience sexual intercourse with one another soon. When Dr. Laura Berman calmly asked the young man what would happen after sex, and how long he planned to be in this relationship, he responded 6 months to a year. The young woman was a little surprised (based on her facial expression to his response) but could not give a solid answer as to how long she wanted the relationship to continue. Dr. Berman calmly asked the couple what their plans were in the case that the girl may get pregnant. The young girl responded that she couldn't even imagine what she would do in the event that she were pregnant. By the end of the show, the young girl was not sure about having sex with her boyfriend, and the young man still was open to the idea of having sex but hesitant to actually go forward with the act.
Now, if you would like to access more information on this show, I would visit the Oprah.com website and peruse around for Dr. Laura Berman. But my purpose for posting about this is because the discussion about sexual education has not happened for a number of young black women, and unfortunately leads to regret, broken hearts, unwanted pregnancy, STD's or worse. How many of us actually had a mother, father, or adult guardian who sat down with us and engaged in a dialogue (not a lecture or declaring"DON'T DO IT!") about sex? Did they explain the anatomy of a male and a female? Did they explain the feelings and emotions that you could experience when dating someone for the first time? Did they provide other options to intimacy in a relationship that didn't involve sexual intercourse. Did they explain the necessity of having more than one form of contraception because of the condoms potential to break? Did they walk you through step by step about what to do if you were to become pregnant. Did they discuss this with the respective boyfriend or girlfriend? Did they involve the parents of the boyfriend or girlfriend? As you can tell, there are quite a lot of questions that need to be asked before any two people engage in the sexual act. Does this dialogue even happen between the young black women out there and their boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, etc? If not, it definitely should. I invite all of you to take a look at this link:
http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090326-tows-talking-to-kids-about-sex-handbook
It may be for parents and preteens, but even I learned a few new things by taking a look at the information available. I also plan on doing future posts about the steps we should already be taking in terms of sexual health. Until then, stay determined to live well, and cheer up a little (at least the economy may be bouncing back lol!)

You have a hand in the life you want

2009-08-02T16:55:00.001-04:00

As a 21 year old student about to start my senior year of college, I am coming to terms with no longer being financially supported by my mother. AHHH! Very scary, atleast for those of us who have never given real thought to the prospect of real I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E. Sooo...instead of crying over this realization (as I probably would have done about 3 years ago lol), I decided to be strategic about it. I immediately jumped on that social networking site called facebook which is literally the one thing that keeps me "in touch" with people I've met in college that have long since graduated and moved on with their lives, and I sent them thank you messages. I wrote a list of all the people I met while interning this summer and sent them messages as well. After doing this I felt so much better! By focusing on the blessings I had and reflecting on how much I appreciated the good they had contributed to my life, being on my own didn't seem so daunting anymore. These individuals were just a few years older than myself and had to experience senior year anxiety as well. They survived it, and most importantly, could help guide me through it. Within hours, I got responses from a little over half of who I wrote to, and even a few offered to give me a place to stay after I graduated.

A bigger point that I want to express, is the importance of creating the social network that you ABSOLUTELY NEED when you are on your own. Trust me, you will be a happier person when you make that extra effort to cultivate friendships with people. BUT! With each person you meet, I believe you have to evaluate whether or not this person could make a valuable contribution to your life in the same capacity you could to their's. Don't give your best self away all willy nilly to individuals who could care less about you. You usually find this out given a little time and observation of their actions toward you.

I can honestly say that I grew up with a fairly close immediate family (mom, dad, siblings) but my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) is literally shot. There is no contact at all in that arena, and it does hurt to see other people who benefit from having strong HEALTHY ties with extended family members that often leads to opportunities career-wise, socially, etc. I came to the conclusion that having a distant family was not for me. I know that in order to have the type of family I would like, I have to make an effort in creating that family by opening myself to deserving individuals who intend to support and encourage me to live the best life I possibly can. I also know that having hang-ups on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and the like could hinder my chances of having that family.

Are young black women of today actively cultivating meaningful relationships with individuals that could be great potential members of their support system? Do you already have a support system that just needs a little tweaking (how about that great professor you had in high school, or your former manager, or the upper classman that gave you great advice before they graduated)? Send them a HELLO! and a THANK YOU! What do you want for yourself 5 to 10 years from now regarding relationships with people? How are you working toward that?

Dear Mother...

2009-07-28T00:40:00.000-04:00

My mother has held a very prominent position in my life. She is indeed my sole provider while I complete my last year of college and the first person I ran to call when I simply needed a listening ear.
However, these days, I am reminded on a continual basis how much our relationship has changed. Sometimes it appears that our relationship has reached a breaking point. One which forces me to consider just how much I will allow her to be a part of the life I want for myself in the future.
I love my mother for all the good that she has contributed to me, but I find that more and more, the differences in how we see life, marriage, health, relationships with family, or friends are very different. So different that I have been made to feel guilty for holding opinions contrary to her own. It is a destructive pattern that I notice with disagreements between myself and my mother. One that sometimes smells like resentment, or jealousy, or perhaps a power struggle over my mind and emotions.
As I work toward realizing the best life for me, making the decision of who will be allowed in my personal sphere grows more difficult when I think about my mother. My heart would love to have "my mother" in my life for all time! But, my mind knows that the energy generated from our differences is not one that breeds much encouragement or support to go for my goals. Being the young and powerful women we are, how are we successfully navigating relationships with our mothers despite the obvious generational differences. Given our exposure to black female empowerment blogs, are there new differences coming to light that were a non-issue before? If so, what are we doing to turn these moments of frustration or hurt, into launch points for the lives we intend to live?

My Introduction

2009-07-26T13:33:00.000-04:00

Hello and Welcome to a very new blog! After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!