Allowing too much time to pass before jumping back into the game.

Good Evening to you all.
After doing my regular browsing of some of the blogs listed to the left of your computer screen, I came upon the most recent post at one of my favorite blogs:
http://sojournerspassport.com/3-factors-that-influence-mens-faithfulness/

As I read through the comment section, something came up that resonated with me. The commenters stated that for BW who leave a relationship, the waiting period before getting involved with someone else was simply too long compared to other women of different groups. Various reasons for this came about. One reason stated the indoctrination of BW has been to wait, and revaluate what went wrong, spend time on fixing or cultivating ourselves before getting involved again, etc. In addition, it was stated that in the black community, immediately dusting ourselves off for the next love interest to come along would often result in being negatively portrayed. For one of my closest family members who is more than twice my age, after her husband died, she was in a new relationship within the following 5-6 months after the funeral. She loved her first husband no less, but told me, "a woman has got to do what a woman has got to do." When I reflect on past behaviors, I realize that I waited much too long between my encounters with other men. However, my circumstances were significantly different from the family member I described.

Without making excuses for young black women who have found that they have taken a long time to jump back into the dating game after leaving an unfulfilling relationship, I wanted to hash out some points:

• Young black women of today are inheriting a significant gender imbalance that may not have affected black women of earlier generations to the same degree. 

• Young black women living within the United States have to deal with the thick residue of racism that still permeates the country today, and unquestionably rears it's ugly head when we take a look at people's personal lives and who they choose to share it with.

• Young black women are getting mixed messages or no message at all from their own communities and their peers.

• Young black women who are not fortunate enough to have access to men of quality within their closest spheres may in fact be surrounded by low-value guys. If this is the case for them, how could we possibly expect for them to move on when the options of men in their area would result in the same poor manner or potentially worse?

I am currently brainstorming possible solutions to this situation, and I am sure it may even inspire further questions. Any suggestions ladies?

Very Interesting Read! Does this apply to you?

Here is a recent article about the Financial Dangers Women face. When they say "women" please believe they mean white women. If they can still face these dangers even when they come from affluent upbringings, it is important that we as young black women prepare accordingly to avoid these pitfalls.

http://finance.yahoo.com/retirement/article/111154/financial-dangers-women-face?mod=retire-planning

A "Thank You" to the Non-DBR Black Men

I decided to express a different viewpoint from quite a few IR blogs. If you are familiar with their general content, there is often much focus on removing young black women from environments that are predominantly black, and most often filled with damaged beyond repair (DBR) black men. However, I am writing this post in an effort to thank those non-DBR black men who do exist and who often prove to be a self-esteem booster when a young black woman needs one. For all of the "interracially-open-to-dating-men" young black women out there who have found it quite difficult to keep the gaze of a non-bm long enough to initiate you are open to their advances (meaning they simply aren't "going for it" with you for whatever reason, despite you giving them the green light), you know exactly what I speak of. Getting a returned smile, or a "how are you today?", or simply a compliment on how beautiful you look can come in quite handy especially when there seems to be tons of non-bm who are concerned with silently looking and not openly acknowledging or acting on their attractions. This may seem like I am venting, and in many ways it is a growing concern that I have for the young black women who have communicated to me, they have been giving the green light, but the non-bm simply allow cowardly behaviors or outright fear to stop them from acting on their attraction to a young black woman. Believe me ladies that I am fully on board with the women who are in fact smiling more, adorning themselves in feminine attire, and attempting to widen their social circles. Sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle, especially if you are very unfamiliar with this new territory. But leaving race aside, and focusing on our needs as young women, receiving a warm welcoming smile or kind gesture from a man is something that reminds us we are indeed desirable women and this is something that should be celebrated. At times it may seem like non-DBR black men are the main ones doing this (but them being lumped into the same racial category as yourself does provide a societal free pass to engage with us this way whether we like it or not), even if this may be the case, revel in the fact that your efforts to be the best you you can be have been noticed and keep on with the keepin' on.  For the non-bm who choose to stay silent, do not waste time on them. Those who are truly worthy of your time will make it known.

Wow...it's been a while, but I am back with your faithful REMINDER!

Greetings to the Young Black Women Determined to Live Well! It has been a very long time since I have written a post. I am now a working woman (with every intention of going back to school for further education in my chosen major!) and I certainly have had a taste of what it means to be on my own. I am writing this post as a reminder that many times, especially when you graduate and go directly into the work force, things can start to take hold of you and force you into monotony. I hope you all hear me when I say this, fight tooth and nail to get out of the cycle of monotony. I have had a few trying moments at my job that have truly given me a wake-up call and have forced me to resurrect my goals and dreams with even more fervor. I know that what I am doing is not the end all be all, and the more I remind myself of this, I do not feel the chokehold that a lot of young women feel their jobs have over them. I have seen the fear in the eyes of young women who are 10 to 15 years my senior, when it comes to losing the one job they have. My dears, please do not let this be you. Whatever you have learned in the past, know this, any occupation you choose can fire you "in a hot minute" no matter how great you seemed to think things were going. Unless you have spent a good while cultivating a dependence that your superiors will have for you, and I mean one that is strong enough to really have them thinking they would definitely be at a significant loss without you, you can easily be replaced. I understand that in this current economic climate, no one who is gainfully employed wants to think about plan B or C, and would rather focus on maintaing plan A. But, allow me to be the little birdie in your ear reminding you about the end goal in mind. You want to LIVE WELL, not so-so, not average, and certainly not paycheck to paycheck. YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO ESTABLISH MULTIPLE STREAMS OF INCOME. Obtain a licensed financial advisor in your state if you need guidance, open a Roth IRA and begin to put away little by little each paycheck. Open a savings account as well. If your place of employment has a credit union, join that as well. EMPOWER YOURSELF LADIES! DO WHAT YOU MUST DO TO LIVE WELL. Start moving toward that big dream girls! Even if you have to take baby steps. One baby step a day is better than remaining stagnant and simply imagining something that could very well be a reality if you let it. Remember, you are the most important thing to take care of, don't lose sight of this because time is of the essence. I hope this does not come across as me rambling on, but a little spark under our feet may put some well needed pep in our steps!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Ernestine Shepherd

Hello lovelies! I came upon a short video of a beautiful woman by the name of Ernestine Shepherd. She is indeed an inspiration to us all as we continue our journey of living well!

Alienated Conclusion's: The Black Girl's Manifesto: The Basic Rights of Femininity

Hello to you all my darlings! I wanted to point you to a powerful blog post by A~ion. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did, and come away with new ways of thinking of yourselves as young black women:

http://nerdsevolving.blogspot.com/2010/04/basic-rights-of-femininity.html

Ciao Bellas!

How bad do you really want it?

Greetings to all of the gracious and pulchritudinous young black women out there! I wanted to address something in this post that I had briefly discussed in an earlier post. On our journey to living well, some of us may have a lot to deal with in terms of people around us making poor decisions. These decisions result in actions that reflect poor expectations of themselves, and their poor expectations (if any at all) of you. Ultimately, this begins to chisel away at the hard work we put in toward moving us closer to realizing our goal of living well.

I need no convincing when it comes to the possibility that some black women, young and old, are simply not aware of the poor choices they make on a daily basis that not only interfere with their financial, physical, emotional, and spiritual life, but hinder their progress in establishing a fulfilling love life for themselves as well. Have you ever been the one to point out in clear daylight just how and where these women are messing up? Have you ever been the one to try and show them another way, one which would yield better returns on their investments (as Evia says), and instead of being given a gracious thank you, you are met with complete indifference and/or defensive behavior. Have you been told to just stay out of other people’s business? Well my darlings, I think you all should take a tip from the unfortunate and delusional women of the world. Just don’t bother giving them anymore of your time or advice. Avoid those topics of conversation at all costs. If you can, avoid those women, or at least reduce the amount of time spent communicating with them.

Several BWE bloggers have stated that not every black woman out there will live well. I whole-heartedly believe this to be true of young black women also. Even if this is the best time for those young women to wake up from the drunken stupor of anti-life enhancing choices, just leave them there. The difficult part for some of you is that some of these women used to be your closest comrades at one point or another; some of you are connected to these women by familial ties. You have to make a choice that does not involve sitting patiently on the sidelines until these women come around to their God-given senses. Yes ladies, you have to cut them off. That which does not help you go further in your efforts to live well, is not worth having around. Now, some of you may disagree with me. To that, I ask one question. How bad do you really want to live well? It may not be for everybody. Perhaps you should give some serious thought to whether or not you are ready for something bigger and better than you ever thought possible...perhaps that's the problem. One must first believe living well IS possible. I am someone that does not like the idea of limiting ME in any way. I am ready for the challenge. You have to decide for yourself if you are absolutely committed to living well, and then, you have to actively pursue it.

Decisions are in store

Hello to all of the Young Black Women out there! I wanted to first direct your attention to the discussion on blog talk radio regarding the new book, Don't Bring Home a White Boy, by Karen Folan. Both she and the host of the segment spoke about wonderful topics that went beyond the interracial content of the book. While a male caller (race unidentifiable... but, you can be the judge on that one) did try to thwart the discussion to something negative, he did not succeed at derailing the important message Mrs. Folan and the host were delivering. Please take a moment to listen: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empowered-love/2010/02/23/author-langhorne-folan-discusses-her-book--dont-br

 Many life decisions are in store for us as young black women. I find that some get easier with time while others seem increasingly complicated. What is more, each decision has a consequence. With that being said, the question becomes: Am I ready to accept those consequences and live with the decisions I made anyway?
I suppose some cases involve moments that happen to us we just don't understand. Some of us still can't pinpoint the reasoning behind why we were placed in a situation? Just what was its purpose? Though I am not aware of whether or not the answer will reveal itself in due time, I do know that going foward with an open mind and positive heart that remembers to be thankful for all your blessings, both big and small, places you ahead of the game in learning to live well.

Young Black Women and the Issues We Face: Part 3

Hello to all of the brilliant young black women out there! I offer my sincerest apologies for the delay in completing another post. I seriously took time out and evaluated where I would be going after graduation. Now that I have at least the first 2 years of my life figured out (Yaaay!!!), I felt it would be a great time to speak on the third installment of Young Black Women and the Issues We Face.


In the post written on December 15th, I linked to a Kola Boof article titled, “Race and Beauty in America.” For those who have not read the article, Kola speaks on her thoughts regarding beauty and race being socially constructed within a white supremacist patriarchal system. She also states that a woman’s status in many cultures is directly tied to being married or having a man, and within communities of color, status for a woman is greatly increased if she is closer to whiteness in physical appearance.

I felt this was an important essay to use as a precursor to Part 3 because it mentions issues I believe affect young black women who have been raised for the majority of their lives in the United States or among Western cultures. How many of you felt that your skin color, hair texture, hair length, or facial features were a disadvantage to you? How many of you feel this reduced your degree of desirability among black men or non-black men in general? How many of you still feel this way today? I would venture to say, it is VERY difficult to NOT feel this way at least ONCE in your lifetime, unless you have been raised in an extremely pro-black woman environment all your life. As young black women, I believe in order for one to live well, there is NO ROOM for feeling even the slightest bit of inferiority compared to other women because of our race or complexion, even if this is reinforced by men who identify as black as well. I could go on and on about how there are clear marks of unfairness doled out to young black women to which some of us have never played a part in. Some of us have not perpetuated the stereotypes used to justify ill-treatment toward black women. However, if one is truly serious about living well, a miniscule mental set back such as feeling we are unworthy compared to other women, or out of luck compared to other women could be detrimental to our goal of living well. We must secure ourselves in such a way that enforces our advancement in EVERY WAY. This means absolutely no room for self-doubt, self-pity, self-hate, and the like.

I urge each of you who may be feeling this way to engage in behavior that affirms who you are as a young black women in a positive light consistently. It could be looking in the mirror everyday and saying something positive about how you look. It could be making that extra effort to adorn your body well everyday out of a love and respect for your presentation. It could mean shutting off the faucet of negative depictions or words about young black women by changing the television channel, or shutting the radio off. It could be associating with only those who reciprocate the love and nurture that you give and need to thrive. For some, this is a very difficult task because you may not have access to the resources or environments that affirm who you are as young black women. Believe me when I say, every little bit counts. You have to be fully committed to wanting the absolute best for yourself, believe it whole-heartedly, and fix whatever it is about yourself that makes it difficult for you to accept this possible reality.

Several Posts on other blogs have been raining down with blessings of information and uplifting words that you as a young black woman can use to motivate and propel you in a better direction. Check them out ASAP!

http://ebonyintuition.blogspot.com/2010/01/who-are-you-meant-to-be.html
http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet2.blogspot.com/2009/01/whats-your-ten-year-plan.html
http://actsoffaithblog.com/new-woman-movin-on
http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/ready-to-take-the-pledge/
http://sojournerspassport.com/who-else-wants-an-optimal-lifestyle/

Let’s get moving Ladies. We can do it! We are, YOUNG BLACK WOMEN DETERMINED TO LIVE WELL!