Welcome to 2014!!!!

Welcome to the new year!!!! I don't know about you lovely ladies but I am feeling a special energy walking into this new year. I have many new goals I have been carefully molding with each passing day, ensuring that I do at least one thing towards achieving them. I also am ever hopeful and determined to create the life I desire for myself, and quietly make them a priority. Sometimes as a young black woman, when I have openly spoken about my future wishes, others have been quick to dismiss them by saying "I'm young, and have plenty of time to do it all." I know most mean no harm in saying this, but I will continue to cling to my own knowledge that time waits on no one and once it is gone, there is no getting it back. Keep on with the keeping on and remain stealth as a black woman. Several bloggers have continued to post precious information to help us move forward in our lives! Grab what you can use, put your needs first, and get going. 

Letting Go is Easier when you have OPTIONS and can see it.

I watched this video:

Then I thought about the current state of young bw and relationships leading to marriage. While I am glad many bw in the US have gotten the memo that they are free to be with any person they choose regardless of skin color, ethnicity, etc. and that men of various hues desire them as mates, there is still the annoying problem of our collective image in this country.

Let's take a trip down memory lane:

I thought about a past relationship I had, and while he is and was not on the level of men I date today, I remember the thoughts I had at the time which contributed to why I remained entangled with him for so long. I didn't feel like I could get any better. Not that I felt there was something wrong with me per se. It was that I didn't see anyone else in my immediate sphere who fit the physical and intellectual threshold, show interest in me, which would have allowed me to move on faster. I knew my circumstances at that time would have me single and lonely for a while. Looking around, many attractive and intelligent black women weren't paired off or getting courted. Furthermore, the ones who were involved often dated bm that were lower in status and class than themselves. Attempts to date outside of your race were stigmatized heavily, such that being approached and courted rarely if ever happened when it came to non-bm. I was not going to lower my standards, but I feared the end of a relationship like the plague. While I clung tighter to something I knew wasn't much, it still seemed better than having nothing at all. I also knew he had more options to move on from me than I could count on both hands. Long story short, exactly what I had feared transpired. I dated sporadically after him, but knew that he dated incessantly after me. My point is, things were not in my favor no matter how much I tried to shift them that way. I threw the towel in for a while and tried to focus on other things to keep me busy. I moved around and things seemed a little better. However, I struggled with letting go because that was the closest thing to a real romantic relationship I had had for a long time. 

Fast forward for me just a little bit to get to the second point:
I spent some time across the pond and for the first time, felt like I had major options. Felt like there was nothing to worry about if this date didn't work out, or if I wasn't his type. I didn't lean on that familiar worrisome crutch because, ALL TOGETHER NOW: I HAD OPTIONS! And these options were real. I was approached, I was met with eye contact instead of a quick glance and averted eyes.  There is nothing more freeing to a woman, especially a young bw from the US, than the knowledge that you have options AND concrete examples in everyday life showing you those options are indeed real. You begin wanting more for yourself, holding your head up higher, tolerating less and less nonsense. Why? Because you know you have options AND you've seen it. I know there are some bw on the internet who say that going across the pond isn't necessary, when you can find someone in the US. I know they say the grass is not always greener on the other side. But ladies, I really don't think those women are hip to what is really happening to young bw in the US. I am happy for the ones getting engaged, meeting that special someone, etc. But I also think about the rest of us. Those numbers of interracial marriage for bw are increasing slowly. Our clocks (for those of us who want to create a family with children) are clicking. The collective image isn't doing us too much better even though gains and improvements have been made with media showcasing accomplished and attractive bw. At the end of the day, don't rule out the rest of this Earth. I thank God for having an Earth this large with people who haven't been exposed to the destructive images I have seen here in the US. I am grateful there are entire cultures that are not bent on beating me down in spirit as I climb higher. Whatever your future plans, get out there and attack it with fervor. 

Now I would like to share this video of a very inspiring blogger who gave me that extra nudge to go across the pond when she posted this video:

Enjoy your week ladies!

Excellent Reading and a Reminder!

Greetings Ladies! I saw another GEM of a post by the blogger Khadija from Muslim Bushido, and would like you all to take a moment to read it when you have the opportunity. I did not know Jessica Alba's husband had a black father who was a famous actor. The text of the post is essentially what many long time readers of BWE blogs have known and come to agree with. However, I think of major significance are the images to back up the words. Sometimes people have to see things pointed out to them for it to TAKE! Till next time my Lovelies!

READ KHADIJA'S POST HERE

Black Women are NOT a MONOLITH and that is OKAY!

Hello my lovely ladies determined to live well and for many of you, already on the path of living well. I wanted to do a fun post to demonstrate how Black Women across the globe are not a monolith. I hope you enjoy!

and the BEST part is, all of the videos I have posted do not even scratch the surface of how varied and diverse black women can be!

Go Where You Can Be Seen!

Hello my Lovely and Elegant Young Black Butterflies Determined to Live Well! I hope you all are taking the time to enjoy the Holiday Season! I sometimes frequent other blogs and find little pieces of information that reinforce what we advocate at this blog. The information can be used in ways to help many of us continue to strive for a Living Well life, so I felt compelled to share it with you all. While visiting the following blog, I read this useful post:

The Rules Revisited

I was once again reminded how important it is to consider how the area you live and the place you work can help or hinder your social life. This includes being able to get out there and meet both men and women. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO my darlings! Get out there and let yourself be seen. This also applies to where you choose to be seated in any social setting. How many men are able to see you if you choose the seat way in the back or in the corner. Try sitting in the front or middle of the establishment where there is very little to block the line of sight of  people entering the building. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but doing this a few times will help. Slow things down a bit as well. Rushing to check your phone every so often, wearing headphones, etc. make you seem unapproachable for potential friends or romantic interests.

This part of the post forced me to evaluate my own habits that could use slight improvement:

"If you spend an hour a day on your laptop at home rather than in a coffee shop or some other public place because none are convenient to you - force yourself out of the house."

Now, how many of us are guilty of being on the laptop for longer than an hour at home? I know I am. I plan on frequenting a few different coffee houses in the near future to maximize my potential for meeting new people as well. Check out this blog when you get the chance. Though it is not geared toward a readership of predominantly young bw, there are a few gems of advice any woman can use as well. Take special care of yourselves Lovelies and stay the Angelic Young BW Determined to Live Well that you are! Ciao!

Listen to your feelings, it may be time to step outside of the Safe Zone.

Greetings to the ever Angelic Young BW Determined to Live Well! I thought about something this evening and wanted to share:

As I am sure many of you can agree with, the circles in which many black women spend their time are generally all black. If you observe close enough, the girlfriends tend to be all black as well. I don't find anything wrong with this as it takes time to develop a friendship. Dismissing what many have found to be a solid support system of friends is very risky. All people need support from friends in life. Without it, we would lose the spark and desire to keep going. However, for some young bw determined to live well, their group of girlfriends may not be interested in socializing in a way that allows her to meet different people, or different men (wink* Wink*).

Things usually look like this:

While she secretly feels like this: "Hmmm...there are so many cute guys here I could be getting to know right now...but if I leave the group it is going to be obvious...and if they realize who I'm checking out (the cute non-bm over there), they would most certainly have 'something to say' about it..."

Meanwhile she wishes her public outings looked like this:

Maybe you want a more diverse group of people in your sphere, or you want an even distribution of men to women in your outings. The primary difference in these images are the inclusion of men in social circles, and people from different backgrounds or ethnic groups than yourself . I think you will also notice that when people of other racial/ethnic groups go out, there is a mix of men and women. If not, a conscious effort is made to mingle with members of the opposite sex by all groups. This seems to have grown very rare with the groups of black women I have seen while out.

Dropping your girlfriends and going it alone is quite unthinkable to many. Fear plays a large part in things remaining as they are. However, if you have ever spent time with a group of girlfriends in a public setting of many eligible men in the room, some of whom are a different race than yourself, and felt uneasy about getting up to mingle . . . or if you've ever spent the entire night in the same area of ________ (insert any establishment with a large concentration of single men and women), speaking only to your girlfriends, simply to end the night without having met one new person . . .  or if you went home thinking you dressed up for what could have easily been a girls night at home, you need to listen to what your feelings are telling you. Step outside of the safe zone, and seek out women who share similar desires as yourself. They are out there. Finding them takes a little more work, primarily because of the racio-political dynamic that exists in the country concerning Black women who have interests that "black people/ black women are not supposed to do." BUT!  It is indeed possible and just one more step that could bring you closer to living well. Remember to believe in yourselves ladies. You can do it!

Power in the Pretty

Black women should wear makeup that flatters their features a majority of the time. Black women should also maintain a great skincare regimen that has demonstrated excellent results within the first month of continuous application. Black women should take the time to find and recreate hair styles that flatter their facial features. In many ways, I am preaching to the choir in this post. I have encountered many excuses reasons given by black women for not wearing makeup, and not daring to spend a little more on a quality skincare line formulated for their needs. Styling of our hair can take many forms. However, I have witnessed both natural and relaxed women who clearly are not willing to put effort in finding the right style to fit their face rather than the latest "trendy" styles. Some of which, come off as harsh when balanced against the woman's complexion and features. In response to the reasons I hear for not making a real effort, I can only continue to advocate that every single black woman is different in her own way. Black women are not a monolith in any sense of the word. However, I do believe collective image of a group can help or hinder you as an individual who is categorized within that group. Doing the above mentioned things don't hinder most women who are living in the Western world. So...by deliberately opting out of these practices, I feel confident in concluding, it further hinders the ascension of Black Women's collective image. 

If you are in any way conflicted by what i have just said, I encourage you to read the blog: "The Sojourner's Passport" and pay special attention to the "Beauty as a Weapon" category. Beauty as a Weapon

Beauty as a weapon in the figurative sense is where I would like to focus. While reading the blog, Black & Femme, I had the pleasure of watching this video. The young woman in the film decided to test the claims of a study on how women who wear makeup and dress femininely are received by men, compared to women who do not wear makeup and dress with little care for how clothes fit their body. The results are quite telling.

In addition, there is a three part series on the Psychology Today website, that touches on the importance of attire in commanding power. In  Part 1 , Part 2 , and Part 3 , the author explains topics like choosing the right color, fabric, fit, hairstyle, accessory, etc. to help with commanding respect and power in the corporate world. The examples and images used are of caucasian individuals. However, the same can be said about black women of various skin tones, sizes, and shapes. For example, one of the major things I practice is wearing colors that are complementary to my skin color. I stay away from dark, somber colors like black, gun metal gray, navy blue, or dark brown because in general, they do not complement my complexion as well as lighter, brighter, or jewel tone colors. If I must wear something dark in color, like a skirt suit, the blouse worn underneath the blazer is going to be in a complementary color to my skin color. The same method can be used when purchasing a scarf for the fall and winter seasons. A black scarf may be just as warm as a pink or ivory scarf, but the pink and ivory scarf are going to do more for my skin color and enhance my beauty.

As an example I am going to use Kelly Rowland to show a comparison of how certain colors complement or do nothing at all for brown skin. The first images are of Kelly wearing darker somber colors:

  

As always, her makeup and hair look beautiful. The silhouette of the longer grey dress is very flattering to her shape. However, take a look at images of Kelly when wearing a bright pearl necklace while still wearing black:

A little better than opting to go without a necklace like the first set of images. The pearl necklace brings the focus directly to Kelly's face and create a pleasant contrast. The same strategy of bringing attention to the face can be attempted through scarfs of pretty pastel and jewel toned colors.  Now, look at images of Kelly wearing colors that flatter her skin color:

 

With the addition of a complimentary color, Kelly's skin color comes alive!  Also, it is important to note the shades of yellow, orange, pink, white, and red that work with her brown skin. For instance, certain shades of purple may not flatter her as well as other shades. See the example below:

I would say the 2nd purple dress flatters Kelly more than the deep wine colored dress. Both dresses are pretty, but the coloring of the fabric closest to the face can make her stand out or get lost in the background. What are some of the steps you take as young bw determined to live well, to enhance your  unique beauty?