Reality Check and Necessary Reminder!

Hello Lovelies! As a head's up, this video is about 30 minutes long. Should you have 30 minutes to spare, I encourage all to have a listen. No need for much elaboration, she hits all major points. Her Youtube Channel is also quite informative with lots of helpful information in our quest to become more evolved as young black women. Enjoy!

Young BW: 30 is NOT the new 20

Greetings Lovely Young Black Women Determined to Live Well! I certainly don't intend to wait a long period between posts, but I won't post until something really resonates with me. Given the focus of our audience being young black women, I listened to this TEDTalk by Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20. For my young women who are over 30, take what you can use and pass along the rest to a 20 something. Enjoy!

Welcome to 2014!!!!

Welcome to the new year!!!! I don't know about you lovely ladies but I am feeling a special energy walking into this new year. I have many new goals I have been carefully molding with each passing day, ensuring that I do at least one thing towards achieving them. I also am ever hopeful and determined to create the life I desire for myself, and quietly make them a priority. Sometimes as a young black woman, when I have openly spoken about my future wishes, others have been quick to dismiss them by saying "I'm young, and have plenty of time to do it all." I know most mean no harm in saying this, but I will continue to cling to my own knowledge that time waits on no one and once it is gone, there is no getting it back. Keep on with the keeping on and remain stealth as a black woman. Several bloggers have continued to post precious information to help us move forward in our lives! Grab what you can use, put your needs first, and get going. 

Letting Go is Easier when you have OPTIONS and can see it.

I watched this video:

Then I thought about the current state of young bw and relationships leading to marriage. While I am glad many bw in the US have gotten the memo that they are free to be with any person they choose regardless of skin color, ethnicity, etc. and that men of various hues desire them as mates, there is still the annoying problem of our collective image in this country.

Let's take a trip down memory lane:

I thought about a past relationship I had, and while he is and was not on the level of men I date today, I remember the thoughts I had at the time which contributed to why I remained entangled with him for so long. I didn't feel like I could get any better. Not that I felt there was something wrong with me per se. It was that I didn't see anyone else in my immediate sphere who fit the physical and intellectual threshold, show interest in me, which would have allowed me to move on faster. I knew my circumstances at that time would have me single and lonely for a while. Looking around, many attractive and intelligent black women weren't paired off or getting courted. Furthermore, the ones who were involved often dated bm that were lower in status and class than themselves. Attempts to date outside of your race were stigmatized heavily, such that being approached and courted rarely if ever happened when it came to non-bm. I was not going to lower my standards, but I feared the end of a relationship like the plague. While I clung tighter to something I knew wasn't much, it still seemed better than having nothing at all. I also knew he had more options to move on from me than I could count on both hands. Long story short, exactly what I had feared transpired. I dated sporadically after him, but knew that he dated incessantly after me. My point is, things were not in my favor no matter how much I tried to shift them that way. I threw the towel in for a while and tried to focus on other things to keep me busy. I moved around and things seemed a little better. However, I struggled with letting go because that was the closest thing to a real romantic relationship I had had for a long time. 

Fast forward for me just a little bit to get to the second point:
I spent some time across the pond and for the first time, felt like I had major options. Felt like there was nothing to worry about if this date didn't work out, or if I wasn't his type. I didn't lean on that familiar worrisome crutch because, ALL TOGETHER NOW: I HAD OPTIONS! And these options were real. I was approached, I was met with eye contact instead of a quick glance and averted eyes.  There is nothing more freeing to a woman, especially a young bw from the US, than the knowledge that you have options AND concrete examples in everyday life showing you those options are indeed real. You begin wanting more for yourself, holding your head up higher, tolerating less and less nonsense. Why? Because you know you have options AND you've seen it. I know there are some bw on the internet who say that going across the pond isn't necessary, when you can find someone in the US. I know they say the grass is not always greener on the other side. But ladies, I really don't think those women are hip to what is really happening to young bw in the US. I am happy for the ones getting engaged, meeting that special someone, etc. But I also think about the rest of us. Those numbers of interracial marriage for bw are increasing slowly. Our clocks (for those of us who want to create a family with children) are clicking. The collective image isn't doing us too much better even though gains and improvements have been made with media showcasing accomplished and attractive bw. At the end of the day, don't rule out the rest of this Earth. I thank God for having an Earth this large with people who haven't been exposed to the destructive images I have seen here in the US. I am grateful there are entire cultures that are not bent on beating me down in spirit as I climb higher. Whatever your future plans, get out there and attack it with fervor. 

Now I would like to share this video of a very inspiring blogger who gave me that extra nudge to go across the pond when she posted this video:

Enjoy your week ladies!

Excellent Reading and a Reminder!

Greetings Ladies! I saw another GEM of a post by the blogger Khadija from Muslim Bushido, and would like you all to take a moment to read it when you have the opportunity. I did not know Jessica Alba's husband had a black father who was a famous actor. The text of the post is essentially what many long time readers of BWE blogs have known and come to agree with. However, I think of major significance are the images to back up the words. Sometimes people have to see things pointed out to them for it to TAKE! Till next time my Lovelies!

READ KHADIJA'S POST HERE

Black Women are NOT a MONOLITH and that is OKAY!

Hello my lovely ladies determined to live well and for many of you, already on the path of living well. I wanted to do a fun post to demonstrate how Black Women across the globe are not a monolith. I hope you enjoy!

and the BEST part is, all of the videos I have posted do not even scratch the surface of how varied and diverse black women can be!

Go Where You Can Be Seen!

Hello my Lovely and Elegant Young Black Butterflies Determined to Live Well! I hope you all are taking the time to enjoy the Holiday Season! I sometimes frequent other blogs and find little pieces of information that reinforce what we advocate at this blog. The information can be used in ways to help many of us continue to strive for a Living Well life, so I felt compelled to share it with you all. While visiting the following blog, I read this useful post:

The Rules Revisited

I was once again reminded how important it is to consider how the area you live and the place you work can help or hinder your social life. This includes being able to get out there and meet both men and women. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO my darlings! Get out there and let yourself be seen. This also applies to where you choose to be seated in any social setting. How many men are able to see you if you choose the seat way in the back or in the corner. Try sitting in the front or middle of the establishment where there is very little to block the line of sight of  people entering the building. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but doing this a few times will help. Slow things down a bit as well. Rushing to check your phone every so often, wearing headphones, etc. make you seem unapproachable for potential friends or romantic interests.

This part of the post forced me to evaluate my own habits that could use slight improvement:

"If you spend an hour a day on your laptop at home rather than in a coffee shop or some other public place because none are convenient to you - force yourself out of the house."

Now, how many of us are guilty of being on the laptop for longer than an hour at home? I know I am. I plan on frequenting a few different coffee houses in the near future to maximize my potential for meeting new people as well. Check out this blog when you get the chance. Though it is not geared toward a readership of predominantly young bw, there are a few gems of advice any woman can use as well. Take special care of yourselves Lovelies and stay the Angelic Young BW Determined to Live Well that you are! Ciao!