About Young BW Determined to Live Well

After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Ask yourself: WHY?

Hello to all the gorgeous young black women out there. I would like to direct this post to the young black women who are dealing with males who are not on their level academically, financially, spiritually, etc. I would like you to ask yourself why?

I have noticed countless beautiful brown women out at clubs, walking in the city, out on campus, you name it, who swarm around groups of males (predominantly black) who are way below their level. I see them laughing, joking, flirting, posturing, blatantly competing for the attention of these males who for the most part seem disinterested, focused on their clearly accentuated body parts in ultra-tight clothing, or focused on gaining the attention of the few non-black or light skinned women they see.

I would like you ladies-to-be to ask yourselves why you do this? Have you actually sat down and asked yourself what it is that you really want? If all you want is someone who makes no secret that they are only looking at your physical assets (and most of you know what that consists of) and fantasizing about what they could get from you sexually, then I completely agree you should continue to invest your time in such settings with those types of males. BUT! If you are looking for a deeper connection, that can satisfy your need for companionship, intimacy, and support, and you don't seem to be getting that from the types of males you are associating yourself with, please do yourself, and other brown girls a favor. STOP!

Not only are you being completely SILLY (I'm being euphemistic) by continuing to communicate with those males knowing that you are not getting what you truly desire out of such relationships (friendships, lovers, acquaintances), but your constant image of associating with lower-caliber males gives all young black women a really bad reputation. Now I know some will say it is not their responsibility to protect the image of all black women, but trust me when I say, promoting a positive rather than negative image about yourself as a black women almost always brings value to you. Because American society is hell bent on compartmentalizing people into racial groups, whatever image is attached to those racial groups will help you or hurt you in the long run. Attach gender to the scope of things and this kind of behavior really makes black women seem desperate for bare bones attention.

I urge some of you to just go to a hip hop club setting with a predominantly black crowd, and without getting wrapped up in the music or men that you see, just observe the behavior of the men there. Look at who or what captures their attention immediately, look at who they are buying drinks for (if they even dare to buy a drink for anyone but themselves), observe how they behave when another woman dressed very sexy comes by? Do they immediately try to talk to her and court her, or do they simply look and keep moving to the next "hottie." Is her ultra-sexually suggestive outfit and stiletto heels really getting her the kind of "love" you would have thought? How about how much she spent to wear what she did, and look the way she did? Was it REALLY an investment with high returns?

If you have the opportunity, go to a non-hip hop club with a diverse or non-all-black setting, and do the same thing to those men. You could also go to a hip-hop club that doesn't have an all-black setting and do the same thing. I guarantee YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE. Then I want you all to decide which group of guys exhibited behavior that you would view positively and prefer to experience from them yourself? Personally, I will say that my experience doing this has led me to prefer the non-hip hop or non-all-black settings. Since then, I have been very adamant about not wasting the "Pretty." You shouldn't waste yours either! Especially on the males who do not deserve it at all!


  1. Excellent post! It's common sense information, but not practised often enough by black women. All that has to happen is for a BW to experience better treatment one or two times, and she won't be able to go back to what she accepted before. Keep getting this message out there to BW.


  2. That's why I avoid those hip-hop/booty club settings. Yuck! We can do better than that.

  3. Thanks for this post. The comments that Sara received for her post were tragic.


  4. Thanks Meena for a BEAUTIFULLY written post! *Applause*

    this kind of behavior really makes black women seem desperate for bare bones attention.

    Exactly Meena and we need to stop it.

  5. Thank you for a great post. I think about this daily, as a young woman you want more, you know what hard work is, you know what struggle is & you should not lower your standard for some man to like/accept you. But I know too many female friends who don't care, they just lax & go with the flow with some of these dumb men...and its no persuading them until they get a std or anything worse...