About Young BW Determined to Live Well

After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

For all the "Natural Haired Belles" who revert to Perming their hair.

Hello Lovelies,

This comment will be short and direct. I am a natural haired woman with the kinky coily texture that comprises the majority of people who are of African descent. I do not take kindly to women who come up to me, remark at the length of my natural hair, and say:

"I just couldn't do it": (in other words, they stopped using chemicals to straighten for a short while, got frustrated, and went back to perming).

"I just couldn't manage it/handle the length/etc." (in other words, they were not willing to take the time and invest in their hair, so they went back to a "quick fix" and permed).

Whatever, the case may be, don't explain why. Just do it quietly and fall into obscurity. Why you ask? because natural haired women like me are not having problems with our length at all. There are some of us out there who have no issue with taking our time on our hair, detangling, washing, moisturizing, etc. In fact, those of us who are at longer lengths have fairly simple regimens, styling options, and maintenance practices. Perhaps you should ask for our advice rather than dragging our hair through the mud by saying the very same things that contribute to why our hair has never had a real chance of acceptability in mainstream society: Because we who grow it, show open disdain and impatience for it. Thus, why should anyone else give a d*** about being accepting of our hair?

Think about this trend young bw are posting on youtube: Natural to Relaxed. Over and over again, you hear the same thing: as their hair grew longer, they just couldn't bother to put in the time to do it. Hmmm like we just couldn't bother to put in the time to working out, or to improve our social lives, or dating lives, or enhance our careers, or saving up to move out of a poor neighborhood. Yea, seems pretty common to me, that it sounds like another cop out. You can disagree with me if you want. But like it or not, Natural haired black women who proudly display the texture of their hair with pride and refrain from calling their hair "The Struggle" do more for our "image" in leaps and bounds than women who have been relaxing for ages.

I'm finished ranting.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The Grass Being Greener on the Other Side

Greetings Butterflies!

I trust all is well and underway for each of you in creating the living well lifestyle you desire. I read a recent post on Beyond Black & White Titled: "Shore to Shore: Is Dating for Black Women across the Atlantic Really that Different? (Find out from Someone Living There)"

In the first paragraph the author states:
"The eccentric, open-minded and tolerant reputation of the British is, in general, accurate...
However, I often read American blogs that advise Black women to go to Europe as it is more likely that they’ll find love with a slight irritation – dating non-Black men here is certainly no easier than anywhere else. "

I beg to differ. Being approached, asked on a date, or simply being able to have a nice conversation in the initial stages of attraction is more likely to occur in Europe rather than the USA. I would go so far as to say the online dating in Europe (UK inclusive) is better than several states in the U.S. While U.S. dating for Black women does happen, the ease at which it happens is not the same as what I can attest to experiencing in the UK.

I am not denying the reality of what this author experienced. However, some of the commenters made a lot of good points about how the Black women in the UK and by extension black women in Europe may hold the key to having better luck. 

One commenter spoke about their observations as an outsider living in London for a few years. Many of the observations they stated about the black women who were partnered and the black women who were not, ring true to what I saw. 

You are free to read the article if you choose. However, I hold steadfast to the realities of more than enough black women from the U.S. or abroad who have gone to Europe and found love with the quickness! If not love, they certainly were not wanting for dates. Ladies, if Europe is in your heart as one of the potential places to meet men who are attractive and who value your features as a black woman, do not let this post get you down. A lot of the headaches black women in the U.S. face (unwillingness to challenge and fight back against the denigration of our image, over indulgence of denigrating music that perpetuates our erasure, and the general stigma of being associated with bm who the world over have not done well by their group) are what black women in U.K. face.  Perhaps the author should take a page out of our book, and reinvent herself as a tourist in her own city. Play the part, act like one, dress like one (the brits in my opinion wear too many dark colors, and girls are rocking the very non-feminine androgynous look), smile at the non-black guys, flirt things up, etc. One last thing, you ladies who are already across the pond have a much more affordable plane ticked to travel around Europe. A flight from US to UK is always over 1000K.  Take advantage of it. There are certainly other places to find men in the entire continent that love you just the way you are.  Till next time Lovelies!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Strategies to Enhance Visibility on Campus: YOUNG BW FRIENDLY!

Hi Lovlies!  I decided to post a comment made on the blog: Black Women's Interracial Relationship Circle. The article addressed the state of young black women on college campuses. I am going to try and add more things to this piece with time but decided to post in a hurry. Please take what you can use and discard the rest. Any questions, feel free to send them my way in comments.

This post is something I can definitely relate to as I attended a PWI and could not for the life of me figure out how to break into the general student body. Granted, my experiences are mine alone, but I guarantee there are a great number of black girls dealing with this in college. I tried several things to try and break into the mold:

1) I would have my dining hall dinners alone in the hopes of meeting other students and striking up random conversation.

2) I would do some of the social events my school would routinely email us through the listserv about what was happening on campus

3) I would make it a point to sit next to people I did not know, particularly non-bm and strike up a conversation about interest or class in general.

4) I would show up to off campus parties with a close girlfriend that also lived off campus and was rooming with other girls (non-bw).

5) I would hang out in the library on my own, or in the student union where I knew other people would be.

6) I would show up to the social nights at the local club (on-campus) when they had Salsa Night and Techno night. Nevermind hiphop night because I would be rejected and offended all the time lol. miss me with that.

7) I would try to hang around the law school on campus (they weren't too hung up on the interracial thing as some of the undergraduate non-bm would appear in my opinion.)

8) One night, I was bold enough to dress up and literally walk around each dorm to the parties on campus on a Friday and literally walk in (without knowing a soul lol) and I got plenty of male attention from the non-bm.

All in all, I made an effort. I did not have much luck despite my efforts though. Here is the take-away for me or what I think may have been a better strategy if I could do it again:

1) Do not immediately involve yourself in the "black" things/clubs. Because I did not know how to get past this racio-misogynistic barrier that seemed to only leave me out as a black woman, I naturally went where it seemed I would easily be accepted. I was a leader in the clubs and spent a lot of time around the black students. However, this only remains pleasant if you accept the invisible status. Once you start to show hints that you will date outside your race, you become outcasted. If you only cultivate relations with the black students, once they leave, it is hard to formulate bonds with the non-black students as time goes by. Everyone starts to have their "clique"  and don't feel the need to introduce a newbie.

2) Do everything you can to find one or two hobbies or interests that line up with meeting potential suitors and friends. I started rock climbing toward the end of undergrad. Tons of opportunity right under my nose, yet I knew nothing about it until I actually went out and sought it myself.

3) Try to find a likeminded friend. I had two girlfriends that really made my time in undergrad enjoyable. They were just as open to new things as I was and provided a great tag along to social events where you might feel funny being the only bw and somehow feel strange, while the "black dude" seems to always be considered "cool" lol.

4) Do not acknowledge bm on campus if they do not acknowledge you. In other words, your concern as a black girl on campus is your well-being separate and apart from the general body of bm. It may sound crass, but once you put them on ignore, and do things for your sole happiness, fulfillment, and upward mobility, you reap the benefits as being better accepted in the general student body. In my opinion, the bm on campus were in many ways an obstruction from bw being apart of the social body of the school. Once you removed the undeserving bm from the equation, others started to embrace. Sounds weird, but I believe there is some major truth to this.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Reality Check and Necessary Reminder!

Hello Lovelies! As a head's up, this video is about 30 minutes long. Should you have 30 minutes to spare, I encourage all to have a listen. No need for much elaboration, she hits all major points. Her Youtube Channel is also quite informative with lots of helpful information in our quest to become more evolved as young black women. Enjoy!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Young BW: 30 is NOT the new 20

Greetings Lovely Young Black Women Determined to Live Well! I certainly don't intend to wait a long period between posts, but I won't post until something really resonates with me. Given the focus of our audience being young black women, I listened to this TEDTalk by Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20. For my young women who are over 30, take what you can use and pass along the rest to a 20 something. Enjoy!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Welcome to 2014!!!!

Welcome to the new year!!!! I don't know about you lovely ladies but I am feeling a special energy walking into this new year. I have many new goals I have been carefully molding with each passing day, ensuring that I do at least one thing towards achieving them. I also am ever hopeful and determined to create the life I desire for myself, and quietly make them a priority. Sometimes as a young black woman, when I have openly spoken about my future wishes, others have been quick to dismiss them by saying "I'm young, and have plenty of time to do it all." I know most mean no harm in saying this, but I will continue to cling to my own knowledge that time waits on no one and once it is gone, there is no getting it back. Keep on with the keeping on and remain stealth as a black woman. Several bloggers have continued to post precious information to help us move forward in our lives! Grab what you can use, put your needs first, and get going.