After doing my regular browsing of some of the blogs listed to the left of your computer screen, I came upon the most recent post at one of my favorite blogs:
As I read through the comment section, something came up that resonated with me. The commenters stated that for BW who leave a relationship, the waiting period before getting involved with someone else was simply too long compared to other women of different groups. Various reasons for this came about. One reason stated the indoctrination of BW has been to wait, and revaluate what went wrong, spend time on fixing or cultivating ourselves before getting involved again, etc. In addition, it was stated that in the black community, immediately dusting ourselves off for the next love interest to come along would often result in being negatively portrayed. For one of my closest family members who is more than twice my age, after her husband died, she was in a new relationship within the following 5-6 months after the funeral. She loved her first husband no less, but told me, "a woman has got to do what a woman has got to do." When I reflect on past behaviors, I realize that I waited much too long between my encounters with other men. However, my circumstances were significantly different from the family member I described.
Without making excuses for young black women who have found that they have taken a long time to jump back into the dating game after leaving an unfulfilling relationship, I wanted to hash out some points:
- Young black women of today are inheriting a significant gender imbalance that may not have affected black women of earlier generations to the same degree.
- Young black women living within the United States have to deal with the thick residue of racism that still permeates the country today, and unquestionably rears it's ugly head when we take a look at people's personal lives and who they choose to share it with.
- Young black women are getting mixed messages or no message at all from their own communities and their peers.
- Young black women who are not fortunate enough to have access to men of quality within their closest spheres may in fact be surrounded by low-value guys. If this is the case for them, how could we possibly expect for them to move on when the options of men in their area would result in the same poor manner or potentially worse?
I am currently brainstorming possible solutions to this situation, and I am sure it may even inspire further questions. Any suggestions ladies?