About Young BW Determined to Live Well

After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Strategies to Enhance Visibility on Campus: YOUNG BW FRIENDLY!


Hi Lovlies!  I decided to post a comment made on the blog: Black Women's Interracial Relationship Circle. The article addressed the state of young black women on college campuses. I am going to try and add more things to this piece with time but decided to post in a hurry. Please take what you can use and discard the rest. Any questions, feel free to send them my way in comments.


This post is something I can definitely relate to as I attended a PWI and could not for the life of me figure out how to break into the general student body. Granted, my experiences are mine alone, but I guarantee there are a great number of black girls dealing with this in college. I tried several things to try and break into the mold:

1) I would have my dining hall dinners alone in the hopes of meeting other students and striking up random conversation.

2) I would do some of the social events my school would routinely email us through the listserv about what was happening on campus

3) I would make it a point to sit next to people I did not know, particularly non-bm and strike up a conversation about interest or class in general.

4) I would show up to off campus parties with a close girlfriend that also lived off campus and was rooming with other girls (non-bw).

5) I would hang out in the library on my own, or in the student union where I knew other people would be.

6) I would show up to the social nights at the local club (on-campus) when they had Salsa Night and Techno night. Nevermind hiphop night because I would be rejected and offended all the time lol. miss me with that.

7) I would try to hang around the law school on campus (they weren't too hung up on the interracial thing as some of the undergraduate non-bm would appear in my opinion.)

8) One night, I was bold enough to dress up and literally walk around each dorm to the parties on campus on a Friday and literally walk in (without knowing a soul lol) and I got plenty of male attention from the non-bm.

All in all, I made an effort. I did not have much luck despite my efforts though. Here is the take-away for me or what I think may have been a better strategy if I could do it again:

1) Do not immediately involve yourself in the "black" things/clubs. Because I did not know how to get past this racio-misogynistic barrier that seemed to only leave me out as a black woman, I naturally went where it seemed I would easily be accepted. I was a leader in the clubs and spent a lot of time around the black students. However, this only remains pleasant if you accept the invisible status. Once you start to show hints that you will date outside your race, you become outcasted. If you only cultivate relations with the black students, once they leave, it is hard to formulate bonds with the non-black students as time goes by. Everyone starts to have their "clique"  and don't feel the need to introduce a newbie.

2) Do everything you can to find one or two hobbies or interests that line up with meeting potential suitors and friends. I started rock climbing toward the end of undergrad. Tons of opportunity right under my nose, yet I knew nothing about it until I actually went out and sought it myself.

3) Try to find a likeminded friend. I had two girlfriends that really made my time in undergrad enjoyable. They were just as open to new things as I was and provided a great tag along to social events where you might feel funny being the only bw and somehow feel strange, while the "black dude" seems to always be considered "cool" lol.

4) Do not acknowledge bm on campus if they do not acknowledge you. In other words, your concern as a black girl on campus is your well-being separate and apart from the general body of bm. It may sound crass, but once you put them on ignore, and do things for your sole happiness, fulfillment, and upward mobility, you reap the benefits as being better accepted in the general student body. In my opinion, the bm on campus were in many ways an obstruction from bw being apart of the social body of the school. Once you removed the undeserving bm from the equation, others started to embrace. Sounds weird, but I believe there is some major truth to this.


Thursday, March 6, 2014

Reality Check and Necessary Reminder!

Hello Lovelies! As a head's up, this video is about 30 minutes long. Should you have 30 minutes to spare, I encourage all to have a listen. No need for much elaboration, she hits all major points. Her Youtube Channel is also quite informative with lots of helpful information in our quest to become more evolved as young black women. Enjoy!



Sunday, March 2, 2014

Young BW: 30 is NOT the new 20

Greetings Lovely Young Black Women Determined to Live Well! I certainly don't intend to wait a long period between posts, but I won't post until something really resonates with me. Given the focus of our audience being young black women, I listened to this TEDTalk by Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20. For my young women who are over 30, take what you can use and pass along the rest to a 20 something. Enjoy!


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Welcome to 2014!!!!


Welcome to the new year!!!! I don't know about you lovely ladies but I am feeling a special energy walking into this new year. I have many new goals I have been carefully molding with each passing day, ensuring that I do at least one thing towards achieving them. I also am ever hopeful and determined to create the life I desire for myself, and quietly make them a priority. Sometimes as a young black woman, when I have openly spoken about my future wishes, others have been quick to dismiss them by saying "I'm young, and have plenty of time to do it all." I know most mean no harm in saying this, but I will continue to cling to my own knowledge that time waits on no one and once it is gone, there is no getting it back. Keep on with the keeping on and remain stealth as a black woman. Several bloggers have continued to post precious information to help us move forward in our lives! Grab what you can use, put your needs first, and get going. 

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Letting Go is Easier when you have OPTIONS and can see it.

I watched this video:

Then I thought about the current state of young bw and relationships leading to marriage. While I am glad many bw in the US have gotten the memo that they are free to be with any person they choose regardless of skin color, ethnicity, etc. and that men of various hues desire them as mates, there is still the annoying problem of our collective image in this country.

Let's take a trip down memory lane:
I thought about a past relationship I had, and while he is and was not on the level of men I date today, I remember the thoughts I had at the time which contributed to why I remained entangled with him for so long. I didn't feel like I could get any better. Not that I felt there was something wrong with me per se. It was that I didn't see anyone else in my immediate sphere who fit the physical and intellectual threshold, show interest in me, which would have allowed me to move on faster. I knew my circumstances at that time would have me single and lonely for a while. Looking around, many attractive and intelligent black women weren't paired off or getting courted. Furthermore, the ones who were involved often dated bm that were lower in status and class than themselves. Attempts to date outside of your race were stigmatized heavily, such that being approached and courted rarely if ever happened when it came to non-bm. I was not going to lower my standards, but I feared the end of a relationship like the plague. While I clung tighter to something I knew wasn't much, it still seemed better than having nothing at all. I also knew he had more options to move on from me than I could count on both hands. Long story short, exactly what I had feared transpired. I dated sporadically after him, but knew that he dated incessantly after me. My point is, things were not in my favor no matter how much I tried to shift them that way. I threw the towel in for a while and tried to focus on other things to keep me busy. I moved around and things seemed a little better. However, I struggled with letting go because that was the closest thing to a real romantic relationship I had had for a long time. 

Fast forward for me just a little bit to get to the second point:
I spent some time across the pond and for the first time, felt like I had major options. Felt like there was nothing to worry about if this date didn't work out, or if I wasn't his type. I didn't lean on that familiar worrisome crutch because, ALL TOGETHER NOW: I HAD OPTIONS! And these options were real. I was approached, I was met with eye contact instead of a quick glance and averted eyes.  There is nothing more freeing to a woman, especially a young bw from the US, than the knowledge that you have options AND concrete examples in everyday life showing you those options are indeed real. You begin wanting more for yourself, holding your head up higher, tolerating less and less nonsense. Why? Because you know you have options AND you've seen it. I know there are some bw on the internet who say that going across the pond isn't necessary, when you can find someone in the US. I know they say the grass is not always greener on the other side. But ladies, I really don't think those women are hip to what is really happening to young bw in the US. I am happy for the ones getting engaged, meeting that special someone, etc. But I also think about the rest of us. Those numbers of interracial marriage for bw are increasing slowly. Our clocks (for those of us who want to create a family with children) are clicking. The collective image isn't doing us too much better even though gains and improvements have been made with media showcasing accomplished and attractive bw. At the end of the day, don't rule out the rest of this Earth. I thank God for having an Earth this large with people who haven't been exposed to the destructive images I have seen here in the US. I am grateful there are entire cultures that are not bent on beating me down in spirit as I climb higher. Whatever your future plans, get out there and attack it with fervor. 

Now I would like to share this video of a very inspiring blogger who gave me that extra nudge to go across the pond when she posted this video:



Enjoy your week ladies!



Friday, May 10, 2013

Excellent Reading and a Reminder!

Greetings Ladies! I saw another GEM of a post by the blogger Khadija from Muslim Bushido, and would like you all to take a moment to read it when you have the opportunity. I did not know Jessica Alba's husband had a black father who was a famous actor. The text of the post is essentially what many long time readers of BWE blogs have known and come to agree with. However, I think of major significance are the images to back up the words. Sometimes people have to see things pointed out to them for it to TAKE! Till next time my Lovelies!

READ KHADIJA'S POST HERE

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Black Women are NOT a MONOLITH and that is OKAY!

Hello my lovely ladies determined to live well and for many of you, already on the path of living well. I wanted to do a fun post to demonstrate how Black Women across the globe are not a monolith. I hope you enjoy!















and the BEST part is, all of the videos I have posted do not even scratch the surface of how varied and diverse black women can be!