Hola Lovlies! How are you all getting on? I take it very well, considering we do not waste time focusing on things that aim to impede our efforts toward Living Well! I always appreciate different forms of media incorporated in my posts. I think it makes things a tad more fun, and offers people a glimpse into the wealth of information available to us via the internet. Have a look at the video below. While the study focuses on "sex appeal" the same dynamics are at play in the real world regarding qualities that don't coincide with our physical appearance.
Here, the woman narrating her mate selection strategy seems to parallel what I believe many black women face in this country. Her final comment: "I guess this is... all that's left...okay, I'm stuck with 2" speaks volumes. She was stuck with 2 when her number was 3, higher than his. What is more, her match (another number 3) didn't seem to care to find her based on potential rejections he may have faced being a lower number. There is a high likelihood he may have chosen number 1or 2. However, there is an even higher likelihood he may have lucked out with a 4 or 5? Who knows?
I am certain many of you have read about or seen the article describing the unfortunate circumstances awaiting all black women in the United States who choose to marry down. While these articles are nothing to get worked up about for forward-thinking black women, their mention of deliberately choosing to go against the grain and marry down resulting in burdensome financial consequences, is something to heed. Guess what? Marrying up, or at your level, is something people all over the world have quietly practiced. Below is a clip from the first Prime Minister of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew, saying plain and clear what some are uncomfortable hearing:
As callous as it sounds, it's true. Marrying up or at one's level goes both ways. There is a reason why the black women in the article who are mentioned marrying down, often end up that way. I believe they are strategically targeted by men who set out to only marry up. Whatever is to become of our less well-off sistren? You know, the ones that are actually at the same level as those men who practice hypogamy? My point is, the men that marry up through black women, know exactly what they are doing. Therefore, it is, and in my opinion, will always be, exponentially better for a black woman to marry up.
What does "up" look like today? Well, him having a degree is good. However, if that degree does not translate to real, tangible, financial gain... it's not marrying up. How about the family pedigree? Are his immediate family members in a healthy marital relationship? Grandparents? How about his Uncles and Aunts? What do they do? What are their values about child rearing, financial investment and inheritance, or educational attainment? How about the networks he and his family are able to access? Have these networks created opportunities for you? If you are in a serious relationship secretly daydreaming about eventually walking down the aisle, you should already have a few things gained just from your proximity to his familial line. How about his friends? What do they do? How have they improved your life in some capacity?
What about the young black women getting ready to head off to an institution of higher education? This is a very simple example of the multiple ways you can position yourself to maximize your potential for marrying up:
I did a google search of highest paying graduate degrees. At least 6 of the top 20 listed all fall under the Engineering major. Petroleum Engineering held the top spot. I then did a search on top schools for Petroleum Engineering. As you can guess, quite a few are located in Texas, some in Colorado, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, California, and Louisiana. Now, armed with this information, I may choose to look at those specific schools to see where they rank in terms of the major I want to pursue, and take it from there. If you are out of school, and have already graduated, perhaps a job search for Petroleum Engineering in your state could reveal certain companies that hire Petroleum engineers. Where are those companies located? More importantly, how can you maximize your chance of crossing paths with Petroleum Engineers at that company? Befriending one, could open you to a whole lot more to choose from.
This is just one very simple way of strategizing to position yourself, that you could ,and probably should, use when choosing where you will spend the next few years of your life. Furthermore, it is super easy to do in the privacy of your own home. Also, financial capacity is clearly only one of many factors you must consider when deciding to marry. Even if he makes a sufficient income, his values which will determine how he spends or invests his money matter a great deal. Does he know how to invest his money? And if he doesn't, does he know where to go to get that help?
In closing, all of us as young black women should be doing things like this on the sly. I guarantee you that innocent "hang-outs" with friends, or people from work, etc. by other groups of non-black women are really the same thing I laid out in the strategy above. Do some brainstorming in your free time and map out a few different strategies that are better tailored to your needs. I hope this helps get the juices flowing!