I decided to blog about this because I finally have some free time on my hands and because this fits along with a posting on the new (old but re-vamped) website: Black Femininity.
On an outing this morning, I went to a service at a predominantly white church (Though it was all white, there was still a considerable mix of all groups there). I still consider myself relatively new to the city I live in and felt it would be a great opportunity to see and hopefully meet new people. Well, here goes: I went inside the church with my friend and we both enjoyed the service. Afterwards, I said that I would like to see what they had mentioned earlier for the people who are new visitors to the church. So we went up to the lady holding up the new visitors sign and she introduced herself to us. What is most notable is that as soon as she finished introducing herself to my roommate and I, while walking to the visitors room, she walked in such a way that “closed the gap” ....Picture three people lined up side by side. Those three begin to walk forward. The two on the end take faster steps and begin to move in closer, just enough to force the middle person to reduce their pace so as not to run into them. I have seen this technique before... I am going to observe if this is the way things would be done if all 3 women were white. I will be on the lookout for this.
When we are finally in the visitors room, we are introduced to a few people. 5 of the persons introduced were older white women ranging from mid 20’s to 50, and perhaps 2 or 3 wm. Every single one of those white women, stared me down. Especially the older ones. The look was not one of openness acceptance, etc. The look was one of fear, intimidation, it was as if I was a threat. I tried to dress femininely: I wore a black sheath dress with a white cardigan sweater and a long necklace with diamond stud earrings. For the love of me, I couldn’t understand why I of all people was getting those looks from them when I swear to you, the number of white women in that church trying their hardest to bring their A-game was in the triple digits. I felt like I wasn’t even on my own A-game because I left the house in quite a rush.
My makeup was rather simple as well, I had on eyeshadow that was for the most part neutral with black mascara, and my new favorite nude lipstick that for all purposes gives me only a subtle hint of color. I wore my hair down and curly. My edges were not even smoothed straight with gel! Yet I had this idea in my head that I was being considered a threat.
When I came home, I looked on the website for the church to see their various bible-study groups for singles. A very good amount in my opinion, but too many women in some of them. I like a ratio of 2-3 men to each woman. In the photographs taken during the different bible-study group events, the black women pictured looked average to downright homely or overweight. I also kept a close look at the black women at the service. They ranged in age. The ones in the teens or early 20’s seemed to just wear skinny jeans, sandals, etc. The older black women were pretty average in their dress as well. Is it just me ladies? Sometimes I wonder if I am really seen as a threat by some women. I could have turned it up a few notches in my dress, but I toned it down.
I like to be noticed for my beauty. I see ww do this all the time and the ones I saw in church were very over the top with very sexy heels and skinny jeans and the like. They virtually all wore a full face of makeup and had their hair styled in some way. I don’t like being the “pretty black girl” in secret that many ww treat “funny” because I am a threat to them and their flimsy self-esteem. But if I tone it down any further, I will most likely not land the kind of guy that I want. Why can’t black women simply revel in just how hot and beautiful and pretty and smart and confident and desirable we are? Why must our light have to be dimmed or veiled because of the insecurities of others. I’m hot and I have known this for a few years now (laughs). I know that men are attracted to me from all races and walks of life. I know that being a beautiful and feminine woman means that other women, especially non-bw, are going to see me as competition or threatening and automatically try to dull my luster. I just don’t buy the whole, tone down what you wear thing, because being beautiful period and then being categorized as black, seems to attract hate from other women period. Nothing you can do about it. If I tone myself down any further, I really am selling a lie and not being myself. I would take a fur lined coat over a common cardigan found at GAP. I would rather find a one-of-a-kind statement necklace with gorgeous diamond earrings to match before I wear no necklace at all. Boy does this annoy me.
This Statement: The conventional use of “pretty” in appearance over exotic, daring, bold, beautiful, and stylish which all reads as UNAPPROACHABLE. Do not make this fatal mistake in love and in life.
From the Post: