About Young BW Determined to Live Well

After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

A "Thank You" to the Non-DBR Black Men

I decided to express a different viewpoint from quite a few IR blogs. If you are familiar with their general content, there is often much focus on removing young black women from environments that are predominantly black, and most often filled with damaged beyond repair (DBR) black men. However, I am writing this post in an effort to thank those non-DBR black men who do exist and who often prove to be a self-esteem booster when a young black woman needs one. For all of the "interracially-open-to-dating-men" young black women out there who have found it quite difficult to keep the gaze of a non-bm long enough to initiate you are open to their advances (meaning they simply aren't "going for it" with you for whatever reason, despite you giving them the green light), you know exactly what I speak of. Getting a returned smile, or a "how are you today?", or simply a compliment on how beautiful you look can come in quite handy especially when there seems to be tons of non-bm who are concerned with silently looking and not openly acknowledging or acting on their attractions. This may seem like I am venting, and in many ways it is a growing concern that I have for the young black women who have communicated to me, they have been giving the green light, but the non-bm simply allow cowardly behaviors or outright fear to stop them from acting on their attraction to a young black woman. Believe me ladies that I am fully on board with the women who are in fact smiling more, adorning themselves in feminine attire, and attempting to widen their social circles. Sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle, especially if you are very unfamiliar with this new territory. But leaving race aside, and focusing on our needs as young women, receiving a warm welcoming smile or kind gesture from a man is something that reminds us we are indeed desirable women and this is something that should be celebrated. At times it may seem like non-DBR black men are the main ones doing this (but them being lumped into the same racial category as yourself does provide a societal free pass to engage with us this way whether we like it or not), even if this may be the case, revel in the fact that your efforts to be the best you you can be have been noticed and keep on with the keepin' on.  For the non-bm who choose to stay silent, do not waste time on them. Those who are truly worthy of your time will make it known.


  1. A "Thank You" to the non-DBR Black men? Whoa...

    --This is STILL a Black Woman Empowerment blog, right? Ah, I'm just kidding around. This post was kind of cool.

    Stay classy, Miss Meena.

  2. Hi Meena, this is an issue that I myself am also experiencing. I have wanted to attribute it to still living in the Deep South, which may or may not be a factor...I don't know. But I have lived in predominantly white communities, in the South, for my entire life, so exposure to eligible non-BM has not been the issue. I'm 25, thin, long hair, brown skin (maybe a bit TOO light though for some men's tastes lol), I mention this to say I think I am not on the far end of the standard range of attractiveness. In my experience so far, the issue has been these men not approaching...or saying that they would, if not for x-y-z. So, at this point, I have been by and large mostly approached/asked out by black men (though the approaches by white men have increased by a bit, I would say about five percent...and these have been mostly men a good bit older than me. Now, I must add that I am also approached by a lot of older black men, so maybe I just haven't been exposed to the "right" younger non-BM to ask me on a date, as I would much prefer someone my age. So, my experience so far has been that all of the *American* men my age who have approached me were black... when I did study abroad in Europe, I was approached by non-BM my own age quite a bit). So, perhaps there is an X-factor here at work that I am overlooking. But with the [black] men I have dated so far, while things didn't work out, they were pretty decent guys. I won't knock that.

    Maybe I should take CW's dating course though....