Hello Ladies, I hope you all are still out there, my apologies for the delay in posting. I have been hard at work not only in classes, but in making preparations for life after college. I would like to encourage you all to read the recent postings at Khadija's blog, Muslim Bushido. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/09/why-its-important-to-have-dating.html
THE LINK I HAVE JUST POSTED IS A PORTION OF SOME OF THE CRITICAL INFORMATION MANY OF US AS YOUNG BLACK WOMEN FACE. PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS POSTING IN PARTICULAR. I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO POST SOME OF YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES THAT ADDRESS THE TOPIC OF DATING IN COLLEGE.
Now, I am going to share. One of the reasons I am doing this is because as my 4th year in college proceeds, many of the same sentiments I have had for a while have never left me and continue to creep up and bring me much discomfort. I honestly feel attending the U of___ was a mistake. I can barely talk about my experience here because of how much it hurts to look back on all that I went through mentally and emotionally while living here. For the most part, I spent my time here dateless and unhappy. I carry the prestige and name forever, but if I had the opportunity to do it again. I wouldn't. In some instances, I FEEL ROBBED. I researched as much as I could and spoke with students of color from ___ on the phone to get a feel for what to expect. I don't believe they told me the truth at all. Not one. It was a living hell here for my first three years. It continues to be a living hell, although I have no expectations of it being anything but, which in most cases makes it tolerable. Too stifling to really spread my wings and just BE. It is a fight to stay alive as a young progressive and open to interracial dating black woman here. I am thankful of it being the final time I have to set foot on this campus, but deep down I felt this place never really appreciated me. I obviously can't do anything about the past, but I am telling this story to let you all know how important it is to do everything in your power to live well every step of the way. Yes, we are "young" but when time goes, it goes. There is nothing you can do to get it back. For the young women who are still in high school and beginning to apply for college, try to visit these Universities while they are in session. Find out what kind of clubs or support groups they have on campus that cater to black women. Speak with female faculty, and if they are black female faculty, ask about their involvement with the student body. For the ladies beginning their first or second year of college, get out there and be a part of different non-black oriented clubs. The goal is not only for you to see new things, but I sure know I want the non-black men to see you too. To the ladies finishing up their college years, maintain those bonds and contacts that have supported you the most and seek places in or out of the country that are safe and foster an environment that allows you to meet men and women of high caliber. This experience has certainly taught me lessons I will never forget, but it doesn't have to be this way for you. If any of you are curious as to which University I spoke of, let me know.
About Young BW Determined to Live Well
After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!
Meena, I hope you take your prestigious degree and get the hell out of there and milk it for all it's worth. I am so sorry that your college experience has not been what you hoped and deserved. The great news is you are still very young and soon you will have a credential that can take you where you want to go and open the door for you to meet quality men who will see your worth.
ReplyDeleteIt is a fight to be a young progressive black woman open to dating quality men regardless of race, but stick with it. I promise you your life will be better because of it. You will find that even some of your closest friends and family members will resent your open-mindedness and goals and will want to keep you shackled and tethered to 'the community' for their own purposes. You will have to cut some of these people loose for your own mental health and general well-being. You will be hurt but don't let that stop you or slow you down too much. I know because I am experiencing this now and have been since I was a teenager (I'm 27 now). You keep writing and sharing and I'll keep reading and sharing!
ebstarr87,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind and uplifting words! I fully intend to milk my degree for all it is worth and will take advantage of the doors it opens for me. Sharing a piece of your experience has certainly inspired me to keep my eyes on the prize and I hope it does the same for the young black women that come to this blog. Please feel free to come back and share anytime!
Whew, I know what you're going through sista. I'm 25, with a MPA and I didn't date the whole 6 years I was in undergrad and grad school. Going to a predominantly white university (like you) meant that there were 6 BW for every BM. Which meant that you basically weren't going to find any BM who wasn't going to date you and about 3 other girls on campus...which meant that dating a BM meant DRAMA. So, I stayed away. I too wish I had participated more in activities that weren't Black-student-oriented and widened my perspective. I didn't...but now I am. All I can say is stay strong, keep your values, and know that you're worth much more than men of your age have to offer you. You're already a very bright and mature young woman, you'll do more than fine...you'll do GREAT!
ReplyDeleteSweetie,
ReplyDeleteThere is a Universe out there! You have youth & wisdom on your side. Your Blog is a testment to your belief that you are worthy of a wonderful man in your life regardless of his race. Be the citizen of the world that you are meant to be! Claim your "Good", stay positive, and you Will have a wonderful Life. I am so happy that young AA women are awakening to the truth! There is enough love and happiness for all BW if we are willing to go after it! Much Success & Happiness!
Haitian Princesse
http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteHi Meena, I just did an interview with CW on her blog, if you have a moment to check it out and let me know what you think. I went to the University of CT, so I know how isolating a PWI can be for a black woman. You have these expectations about college and dating and having all this fun socializing and then you get there and all the 'brothas' are chasing the same 5 girls.
Meena your post was deep. I hate institutions like that...you go & visit them to get the feel of the campus life, your inquisitive about the day to day routine about being on campus, you talk to different students attending & they basically tell you the same thing...'oh its a great school, you'll love it'...then when you do happen to attend that school thats when you realize its not for you, you feel as if you been played. Same here. I attended an all girl college in NJ (the scholarship motivated me to go) & during that time there were no clubs for young BW. Even in crowds, everyone stuck to their own. When it came to dating, it was hard because you couldn't be too trusting of young men at neighboring schools because someone is/was already talking to him. At the time, I was nervous to talk to guys my age & only older men would approach me & I gave them the time of day. I dated an Irish man, Puerto Rican man & a Guyanese man...each was filled with drama drama drama. So I stopped. Changed my number. And moved on. I focused on school, graduated & enrolled in grad school the same year & finished the following year (I went full time back to back...you may not like the institution but you have to go in there with a winning mindset & get yours, you worked hard for it). Dating in college is possible, you just have to know what you want & be prepared. It can be tricky & overwhelming but you shouldn't allow it to get to you. There are decent men (regardless of race) out there. Its hard focusing on being in school & wanting to date. I'm 24, I don't want to sound like my parents but while you are in school, focus on school & come out on top. Meena you are very focused & strong, just continue to hang in there & the right person will come along. And when he does come along don't be trusting too quick, take your time, be friends, read every action & don't take anything for granted. As young BW we know what we want & we know how to accomplish the task at hand. Not every tom, dick & harry will have our best interest in mind. We have to come up on our own & be strong. When it comes to men, there are no rules but you have to shield yourself from the foolishness. Just continue to be strong Meena!
ReplyDeleteWow girl, I also did not have a great experience in college....was isolated, shell-shocked, blah blah blah...thank God I have a degree now.....I've learned a lot....I think a lot of blk women experience culture shock at these all white schools....the brothas disassociate from us so they can assimilate.....self loathing losers....lol
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