About Young BW Determined to Live Well

After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A Word of Warning for YoungBW Determined to Live Well

Hello Lovely Ladies! I know it has been a long time since I last posted, but I do hope some of you still take advantage of previous posts, and frequent the blogs listed  to the left. There are so many wonderful and insightful postings coming from talented black women bloggers! Reading them has certainly inspired and encouraged me to keep at my goals of Living Well. I am currently pursuing a graduate degree and have encountered new and interesting people that also attend the school. Some of these new and interesting people are young black women. At some point, the conversation between myself and a group of black women came to the topic of out of wedlock children. I had expressed the belief that children born in a healthy marriage generally do better than children who are born out of wedlock. Well, it apparently touched a nerve with almost all the ladies that were there. One of those ladies was a current single mother in her 20's, another was the product of a single parent home in which her mother was the sole provider and caretaker. Needless to say, many of them went on the defensive because of my comment and tried to provide a number of examples in which children born in a single parent home do just fine, citing high rates of divorce, and homes with parents that are not in a healthy relationship negatively affecting a child; you name it. Long story short, I simply tried to conclude the "discussion" as gracefully as possible by stating my comment was a reflection of the views and values I was raised with, and whatever views they may have that differ from my own are okay too (BUT, clearly those views are NOT okay in my school of thought). I felt a little drained from that experience as it was deeply disheartening to hear some of their rhetoric about women taking care of themselves without the help of a man.  Moreover, this is not the first time I have encountered a defensive response from black women about out-of-wedlock births. Ladies, I am declaring today that I will not bring up the subject of marriage, children, relationships, or anything along those lines with these women. I will even go as far as saying, it is not in our best interest as black women desiring to live well, to bring up these topics with the vast majority of African-American/Black women. These topics are largely shaped by the values we possess. If we don't share the same values, then our views will differ significantly. As a woman with the views I hold, I feel confident in concluding that the majority of black women I encounter do not share my values or views on marriage, children, and relationships. I was thankful for that experience. It reminded me that the circumstances surrounding the African-American community in general are quite distorted compared to the views of several other groups in this country, and it is my responsibility to seek out likeminded individuals with whom I can associate. I will continue to be cordial and polite in my dealings with these women (they are after all my colleagues), but certainly will not be including them in my inner circle of friends. They revealed a lot about themselves through their comments, and I am sure I made an impact on whatever previous image they had constructed about me initially. Keep your views or goals on certain topics like the ones I mentioned, safely to yourself. ONLY share with individuals you have thoroughly vetted. You have a right to believe in the importance of marriage, relationships, and having children within a healthy and happy two parent family. This is a key component to the Living Well Life I seek to create for myself and I would rather remain single and childless than compromise my beliefs. Keep moving forward on your goals each day, each week, each month, whatever works for you. Just be consistent! A little each time, goes toward getting you closer to Living Well! I wish you all lots of love as we continue on our respective journeys! Stay beautiful Butterflies! Ciao!


  1. You are doing the right thing by keeping your beliefs and values to yourself. I have also written a blog about the out of wedlock child bearing statistic that's plaguing black women. It's funny how these women are so determined to believe that they can have a stable family without the male figure in the home. They are clearly delusional.

  2. I've got news for you: white women are starting to have the same problems. Their young men arent being educated--the girls are outperforming them at school and we know most girls/women want to marry up, or have the kid by themselves.This isnt 1992 or even 2002: this is 2012 and we need educated people in the marketplace; and we need moms to help their children

  3. It is sad that you these women are so misguided in their beliefs and choose to disregard thousands of years of human behavior. Marriage, although not perfect, has proven to be THE most supportive means of creating healthy male and female relationships and the nurturing of families. The destruction of the African American community due the failure to form families shows how wrong these women are in their behavior. You and I can state our opinion and then move on. If these women choose to continue their ways then so be it. We can only save ourselves and LIVE WELL!

  4. Bet channel needs to adress this kind of topic

  5. Just came across your blog and I love it, you write with such clarity and honesty. I quite frankly find women who think they can sustain such a lifestyle and worse still often choose to have babies with dirty dogs who will not look after their children out of their minds!

    Why not look for a quality male who will stick by you and your children. No, instead they choose to give themselves over to dead beat men who couldn't care less, when will we as black women learn.


  6. I agree with you and appreciate this post. Make sure you know who you are talking to before you open up a can of worms with delusional folk.