A Word of Warning for YoungBW Determined to Live Well

Hello Lovely Ladies! I know it has been a long time since I last posted, but I do hope some of you still take advantage of previous posts, and frequent the blogs listed  to the left. There are so many wonderful and insightful postings coming from talented black women bloggers! Reading them has certainly inspired and encouraged me to keep at my goals of Living Well. I am currently pursuing a graduate degree and have encountered new and interesting people that also attend the school. Some of these new and interesting people are young black women. At some point, the conversation between myself and a group of black women came to the topic of out of wedlock children. I had expressed the belief that children born in a healthy marriage generally do better than children who are born out of wedlock. Well, it apparently touched a nerve with almost all the ladies that were there. One of those ladies was a current single mother in her 20's, another was the product of a single parent home in which her mother was the sole provider and caretaker. Needless to say, many of them went on the defensive because of my comment and tried to provide a number of examples in which children born in a single parent home do just fine, citing high rates of divorce, and homes with parents that are not in a healthy relationship negatively affecting a child; you name it. Long story short, I simply tried to conclude the "discussion" as gracefully as possible by stating my comment was a reflection of the views and values I was raised with, and whatever views they may have that differ from my own are okay too (BUT, clearly those views are NOT okay in my school of thought). I felt a little drained from that experience as it was deeply disheartening to hear some of their rhetoric about women taking care of themselves without the help of a man.  Moreover, this is not the first time I have encountered a defensive response from black women about out-of-wedlock births. Ladies, I am declaring today that I will not bring up the subject of marriage, children, relationships, or anything along those lines with these women. I will even go as far as saying, it is not in our best interest as black women desiring to live well, to bring up these topics with the vast majority of African-American/Black women. These topics are largely shaped by the values we possess. If we don't share the same values, then our views will differ significantly. As a woman with the views I hold, I feel confident in concluding that the majority of black women I encounter do not share my values or views on marriage, children, and relationships. I was thankful for that experience. It reminded me that the circumstances surrounding the African-American community in general are quite distorted compared to the views of several other groups in this country, and it is my responsibility to seek out likeminded individuals with whom I can associate. I will continue to be cordial and polite in my dealings with these women (they are after all my colleagues), but certainly will not be including them in my inner circle of friends. They revealed a lot about themselves through their comments, and I am sure I made an impact on whatever previous image they had constructed about me initially. Keep your views or goals on certain topics like the ones I mentioned, safely to yourself. ONLY share with individuals you have thoroughly vetted. You have a right to believe in the importance of marriage, relationships, and having children within a healthy and happy two parent family. This is a key component to the Living Well Life I seek to create for myself and I would rather remain single and childless than compromise my beliefs. Keep moving forward on your goals each day, each week, each month, whatever works for you. Just be consistent! A little each time, goes toward getting you closer to Living Well! I wish you all lots of love as we continue on our respective journeys! Stay beautiful Butterflies! Ciao!