About Young BW Determined to Live Well

After being a faithful reader of various blogs dedicated to positively influencing black women, I recognized quite a few young black women in their teens, 20's, and 30's who were touched by the message as much as myself. This blog is my attempt to reach out and connect with young black women on issues we may be facing at a very transitional time in our lives. I encourage all, irrespective of age, class, origin, etc. to participate in the discussions and brainstorming sessions we have. I look forward to the potential of this blog and hope to hear from Young Black Women Determined to Live Well like myself!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Letting Go is Easier when you have OPTIONS and can see it.

I watched this video:

Then I thought about the current state of young bw and relationships leading to marriage. While I am glad many bw in the US have gotten the memo that they are free to be with any person they choose regardless of skin color, ethnicity, etc. and that men of various hues desire them as mates, there is still the annoying problem of our collective image in this country.

Let's take a trip down memory lane:
I thought about a past relationship I had, and while he is and was not on the level of men I date today, I remember the thoughts I had at the time which contributed to why I remained entangled with him for so long. I didn't feel like I could get any better. Not that I felt there was something wrong with me per se. It was that I didn't see anyone else in my immediate sphere who fit the physical and intellectual threshold, show interest in me, which would have allowed me to move on faster. I knew my circumstances at that time would have me single and lonely for a while. Looking around, many attractive and intelligent black women weren't paired off or getting courted. Furthermore, the ones who were involved often dated bm that were lower in status and class than themselves. Attempts to date outside of your race were stigmatized heavily, such that being approached and courted rarely if ever happened when it came to non-bm. I was not going to lower my standards, but I feared the end of a relationship like the plague. While I clung tighter to something I knew wasn't much, it still seemed better than having nothing at all. I also knew he had more options to move on from me than I could count on both hands. Long story short, exactly what I had feared transpired. I dated sporadically after him, but knew that he dated incessantly after me. My point is, things were not in my favor no matter how much I tried to shift them that way. I threw the towel in for a while and tried to focus on other things to keep me busy. I moved around and things seemed a little better. However, I struggled with letting go because that was the closest thing to a real romantic relationship I had had for a long time. 

Fast forward for me just a little bit to get to the second point:
I spent some time across the pond and for the first time, felt like I had major options. Felt like there was nothing to worry about if this date didn't work out, or if I wasn't his type. I didn't lean on that familiar worrisome crutch because, ALL TOGETHER NOW: I HAD OPTIONS! And these options were real. I was approached, I was met with eye contact instead of a quick glance and averted eyes.  There is nothing more freeing to a woman, especially a young bw from the US, than the knowledge that you have options AND concrete examples in everyday life showing you those options are indeed real. You begin wanting more for yourself, holding your head up higher, tolerating less and less nonsense. Why? Because you know you have options AND you've seen it. I know there are some bw on the internet who say that going across the pond isn't necessary, when you can find someone in the US. I know they say the grass is not always greener on the other side. But ladies, I really don't think those women are hip to what is really happening to young bw in the US. I am happy for the ones getting engaged, meeting that special someone, etc. But I also think about the rest of us. Those numbers of interracial marriage for bw are increasing slowly. Our clocks (for those of us who want to create a family with children) are clicking. The collective image isn't doing us too much better even though gains and improvements have been made with media showcasing accomplished and attractive bw. At the end of the day, don't rule out the rest of this Earth. I thank God for having an Earth this large with people who haven't been exposed to the destructive images I have seen here in the US. I am grateful there are entire cultures that are not bent on beating me down in spirit as I climb higher. Whatever your future plans, get out there and attack it with fervor. 

Now I would like to share this video of a very inspiring blogger who gave me that extra nudge to go across the pond when she posted this video:



Enjoy your week ladies!



6 comments:

  1. Great post Meena!!

    I AGREE that it does NOT hurt for bw to keep all of her options open make sure her eggs do not lie in one basket. Some will meet their beau in their small town, some across the country using online dating, and other will travel abroad and fall in love or meet a foreign guy who is in their home country. There is no "one size fits all" which should allow black girls and black women to breathe easier.

    I know I'm being nosy but I would love to hear about your experiences from your travels abroad. To date, I have NEVER heard any bw regret going abroad whether it be women i interviewed or travel blogs I've read. All of them said it changed their lives for the better :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi shesthedifferencemaker! Thank you for the love on this post. I too agree with you on having NEVER heard any bw regret going abroad, especially to Western Europe. I only speak for myself in saying this, but it seems to me that as long as you do not restrict your dating to bm, in Europe it is very hard to believe a quality bw will go dateless, marriage less etc. for many years. I am not saying it never happens, but from what I experienced and observed, every bw has just as good a chance as anyone else. Practice the BWE lessons we have learned from the well-respected bloggers that started the entire philosophy of BWE and you have nothing to worry about.

      Delete
  2. Hi Meena! I am a huge fan of what you are doing on this blog...celebrating, connecting, and inspiring young black women. Regarding this post, its awesome that you are encouraging your readers to go abroad. I agree with you, it is a life changing experience.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Meena! I just came across your blog this week, but I'm a huge fan of what you are doing here i.e. encouraging and celebrating black women. We need more people like you in the world. I also agree with you about traveling abroad, it's a life changing experience.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love what you did with this post, I try to reach across the pond myself.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love this post and article. I have been interested in dating outside of my race for months now. All these so called African Americans who "cared" about me told me not to date outside of my race. And I listened to them at the time. But since I left Black Nationalism, I am exercising my options and plan on finding a good quality mate regardless of his race or ethnicity

    ReplyDelete